


She's Mine

by Swallow88



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Crime, Declarations Of Love, Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr. & Amanda Rollins Friendship, Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr. Cooks, Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr. Has a Crush, Drama, F/M, Falling In Love, Forbidden Love, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Inspired by Law & Order: SVU, Love at First Sight, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Obsession, Original Character(s), Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Romance, Stalking, Sweet Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Thriller, True Love, Unrequited Love, rescue romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 35,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24458125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swallow88/pseuds/Swallow88
Summary: When Forensic analyst Tru Jordan is raped in her own home, Manhattan SVU assigns detective Sonny Carisi to investigate the case. Soon it becomes clear that the attack is not just an isolated incident, but the beginning of a reign of terror. A dangerous stalker has his sights set on Tru and makes it clear that raping her is just the beginning. Carisi tries desperately to find the man responsible, finding himself fiercely protective of and growing attracted to Tru. As the lines between his personal and professional life blur, Tru's stalker launches a game of cat and mouse that could ruin the lives of everyone involved. Can Carisi catch the bad guy and save the girl before her stalker's obsession turns deadly?
Comments: 11
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

Detective Carisi braced himself against a crisp burst of August air as he watched for a break in the bustling New York traffic so he could cross the street. Nearby, leaves had turned brilliant shades of orange, red and yellow, but had not yet begun to fall. When he found the chance, He made his way through traffic and into Mercy General Hospital, carrying a cup of coffee in each hand. One for himself and one for his Lieutenant, who had recently called him with a new case to investigate. He quickly weaved through the crowded hospital hallway and soon spotted Lieutenant Olivia Benson. her short hair was combed back into a low ponytail and she sported bags under eyes as if she had been up all night, and she probably had.

“Hey, Lieu,” Carisi extended one of the coffee cups to her, “what do we got?”

Olivia gladly took the coffee cup from him and got right down to work as they made their way to where the victim was in her hospital room. “Vic’s name is Tru Jordan, she’s 30 years old. Says she was coming home from work when someone followed her into her apartment, shoved her down and raped her.”

“Push in rapist,” Carisi offered. “Haven’t had one of those in a while.”

“Right, she has vaginal trauma, cuts, abrasions, two cracked ribs. She put up a hell of a fight but…perp roughed her up pretty bad.” Olivia said. “Fin and Amanda are at her apartment now.”

They turned the corner and entered the victim’s room. Tru Jordan sat on the bed; her eyes stared into the distance. She looked to be about five foot-four, her brown hair hung down to her shoulders and she had blonde highlights scattered throughout. She was still wearing a hospital gown, she jumped slightly at the sound of the detectives entering the room. Her left eye was bruised, she also had a bruise along her chin bone, and he noticed several fingerprint bruises along her arms and legs, Olivia was right, someone had roughed her up pretty bad.

“Tru, my name is Lieutenant Olivia Benson, this is Detective Carisi,” Olivia spoke softly. “The doctor says you’re done here, and if it’s okay with you we would like to take you back to the station and get a full statement from you.”

Tru nodded but didn’t say anything. Olivia spoke up, again in that soft-understanding tone she always used with the fragile people they spoke to. “Ok, ok good, so Detective Carisi will take you back to the station and if you will hang on just a minute, I will get you a change of clothes, your clothes will—”

Tru spoke for the first time, “Have to be kept for evidence, yeah I know that’s why I brought my own change of clothes.” She pointed to a bag in the chair.

Olivia and Carisi looked at each other, “Have you been through this before?” Carisi asked.

“No, I’m a forensic assistant for the city, I collect evidence for a living…” Tru said. “I’m familiar with the process.”

“I thought you looked familiar,” Carisi said.

“I’ve worked several cases for the SVU.” She replied.

Olivia nodded, “Ok then, we will give you a few minutes to change and when you’re ready he will drive you to the station and take your statement.”

The two cops stepped outside the door and closed it

Back at the precinct Carisi led Tru to one of their “comfort suites”. Comfort suites were dedicated rooms where victims of rape and serious sexual assault can talk to the detectives in privacy and comfort. Some areas of police stations can seem uninviting or intimidating, so they designed these comfort suites to be peaceful, private places where victims can feel at ease.

“Can I get you anything? Coffee? A sandwich?” Carisi asked.

“Coffee would be nice, thank you.” She walked into the room and took a seat. She wore a pair of grey track pants, and a grey-blue quarter length sleeve Henley shirt.

Carisi returned with the cup of coffee and few packets of sugar and creamer for her. He set it down in front of her and took a seat across the table.

“I know this is going to be hard, but I’m here to help. If it’s ok with you I’d like to record this conversation for our investigation.” Carisi began the initial speech he had given so many times before. Tru nodded and he opened the recorder on his phone, “Can you state your name and age for the record please.”

“I’m Tru Jordan, I’m thirty years old.” She said.

“Ok, Miss Jordan—”

“Call me Tru,”

“Ok, Tru, in your own words can you explain to me what happened to you?”

Tru took a deep breath and began to speak, her voice was soft, quiet, “I work the nightshift, I usually get home around six thirty. I walked into my apartment, but before I could shut the door behind me somebody shoved it---hard, I fell back and he barged in. He lunged at me, slamming the door behind him. I tried to get away but he grabbed me, and threw me to the ground. We struggled but he was so strong,” She got that distant look in her eyes again and Carisi recognized it, she was back in her apartment, trying to fight off her rapist.

Carisi spoke softly, “Then what happened?”

Tears slid down her cheeks, she quickly wiped them away and flinched as if she had forgotten about the bruise on her eye and it hurt to touch. Carisi handed her his handkerchief out of his breast pocket. “He said if I didn’t do what he said he would kill me. He threw me over my kitchen counter, I heard my ribs crack…he pulled my clothes off and he raped me….he took my necklace, too.”

Carisi nodded, giving her a minute. She took a sip from her coffee, then added another pack of sugar and stirred it with the black plastic coffee stirrer. That made two creamers and three sugars, Carisi noted. “What kind of necklace?”

“It was a white gold chain with a tree pendant.” Tru said.

“Did he do anything else to you?” Carisi asked.

“He saw me trying to reach for a knife and grabbed my wrists really hard, he pinned them to the counter. I was sure he broke them.” She moved her wrists around, trying to shake away the memory of his hands around her. Carisi looked closer, her wrists were red with marks of his hands, she also had a tattoo on her wrist. It was a little bird, a swallow, Carisi could recognize it because of the split tail feathers, people with swallow tattoo’s use them as a sign of overcoming obstacles. Sometimes they get it to signify their love of traveling, in this case Carisi figured it was the former.

“Do you know the man who attacked you?” He asked finally.

“No, he wore a black ski mask.” She said quietly, “But he was about 5’11, he probably weighed about 200 pounds, I could tell through the eye holes of the mask that he was white…brown eyes, and the mask didn’t sit right on his head, it kind of puffed out so I think he had curly hair. I tried to scratch him, so I could get his DNA under my fingers, but I couldn’t get to his skin…”

“Ok that’s very helpful.” Carisi nodded, jotting it all down in his flip open notebook. “So, you said this happened when you got home around 6:30 this morning? How did you get home?”

“I take the subway and then walk the rest of the way, it’s only a couple of blocks.”

“Did you notice anyone following you?”

“No, but I’m really tired when I get off work.” Tru said, “He might have followed me…but I didn’t see him…”

“That’s ok, what about the last couple days? Anybody stand out? You notice anyone following you then?”

“No, no one stands out I’m sorry.” She buried her head in her hands, the wrist bruising caught his eye again. _Bastard_ , he thought.

“It’s okay, you’re doing great. Can you take me through what you do day to day? What is your schedule like?” He asked.

“I get home from work around six thirty and I go to bed…I wake up around twelve or twelve-thirty, on Monday’s I go to the market—”

“Which market?

“Luke’s…it’s two blocks away from my apartment…I go to the gym three days a week—Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday…I do Yoga on the nights I don’t go to the gym so, Monday, Wednesday and Friday…then I go to work.”

“Okay, and which gym and yoga place do you go to?”

“24 Hour fitness, my Yoga studio is Stanton Street Yoga,” She replied.

“Anyone pay special attention to you at the gym or yoga, maybe ask you out? Maybe you turned them down?” Carisi asked.

“Yeah actually, last week a guy hit on me at the gym…said his name was Zeke,” Tru said.

“Did you go out with him?” Carisi asked.

“No, I turned him down nicely…it’s been a while since I went out on a date…I don’t get involved much.” Tru said. Carisi could tell there was a deeper story there, but he didn’t pry for now.

“Ok, how did Zeke take being turned down?” Carisi asked.

“He was nice about it…he didn’t seem like he would have a hard time finding someone else to keep him company.”

“You have any enemies? Anyone who wants to do you harm?” Tru shook her head no and bit her bottom lip. Carisi could tell she was growing tired of the questions, but they couldn’t be helped. “Did the man who attacked you say anything else to you?”

Tru took a deep breath, “After he was done…he said ‘You’re too good to be true.’”

Carisi narrowed his eyes, “You think it was play on words? Like the perp knew your name?”

“It’s possible,” She said,

Carisi took a good look the victim in front of him. Her eyes were heavy, she wore the worry and the weight of what had happened on her shoulders, her face. She was beautiful despite all this.

“What happens now?” Tru asked.

Carisi clicked his pen shut and set it down, “Well our detectives are still processing the crime scene,” he cleared his throat, “I mean your apartment, do you have somewhere you can stay tonight? A boyfriend? Family?” Tru shook her head no again, “Okay, we can put you up in a hotel, after we collect all the evidence we will retrace your steps over the last few days, see if anybody in your life noticed something you didn’t. We will also check surveillance camera’s, see if anything shows up on there…If you need some time off work, I’d be happy to call your boss and tell him what happened…You should probably take some time off, to heal…”

“No, that’s okay, I have some vacation days saved up.”

Carisi nodded, “Okay, then I will call the hotel and set you up a reservation. we will change the locks on your apartment, and we will be in touch with you as much as possible about your case. The city will also pay to have your locks changed; I’ll get a hold of you about the new key as soon as we get it.”

She nodded, and started to speak, then stopped, Carisi’s brown furrowed, “What is it?” He asked.

“He wore a condom…a mask…gloves…there’s not likely to be much evidence…”

“We have solved cases like this before,” Carisi said, “Don’t worry, we’ll find him.”

Carisi drove Tru to the Central Park North Hotel and helped her check in, under the departments name, not her own, and walked her to the room. Carisi entered the room first, he checked the bathroom, the closet and looked out the window. He didn’t expect any boogeymen to be lurking in the room; but it often helped the victim feel safer when he did this. He pulled his business card from the inside pocket of his suit jacket. He scribbled his cell number on the back and handed it to Tru.

“If you think of anything else…or just want to talk, don’t hesitate.” He gave her a warm, knowing smile, she smiled back politely. He walked to the door.

“Detective Carisi,” Tru said, and Carisi turned around to face her, “Thank you…for being so kind.”

He smiled again, “Call me Sonny.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Tru quickly locked the door behind the nice detective. She turned around and leaned against the door, letting it all sink in. Tears began to fill her eyes and she quickly wiped them away. She could still feel her rapist’s hands all over her, groping her body. Touching her in places she hadn’t been touched in so long. She felt nasty, sticky, her hair was sticking to her face, she could feel dried blood on different parts of her body. She needed a shower, she needed to feel clean. She felt the vomit rising from her stomach and almost didn’t make it to the toilet in time to hurl.

Standing up she looked in the mirror as she removed her clothing. She had a black eye, and another bruise on her chin bone. She recalled the blows that landed those bruises. She lifted her shirt, revealing cuts and scrapes, she remembered the glass breaking as they struggled in her kitchen, some of it must have cut her. She had fingerprint bruises on her arms and shoulders. She removed her pants and underwear, she saw bruises on her legs and thighs, she winced at the thought of him prying her legs apart, her own screams rang in her head. She closed her eyes trying to force the images out.

Turning to the tub she turned on the water, as hot as she could stand it, and ran the shower. She climbed in, feeling the warmth run all over her body. It was the first good thing she’d felt since the attack. She soaped up a washcloth and ran it hard over her legs, scrubbing off any remnants of _him._ She soaped up her hair and used her fingernails to scrub it clean, she rinsed it out letting the soap bubbles run down her body too.

In the safety of the shower she allowed herself to cry, falling to her knees, she felt the soap sting the open cuts on her back but she didn’t move, the water pounded on her skin, running down her face, mixing with her tears, she sobbed into the quiet.

Carisi entered Tru’s apartment, CSU was still there dusting for fingerprints, they weren’t likely to find any.

“Carisi,” Rollins greeted him, “How’s the vic?”

“She did good, she stayed strong while I took her statement. Says the perp pushed her in from the door after she got home from work. She gave as much of a description as she could, but he was wearing a mask, gloves, the whole nine yards.”

“The evidence supports her statement, there’s an indent here where the perp pushed the door open and the door nob hit the wall.” Rollins motions to an indention in the wall behind the door, “There was a struggle, there’s lots of broken glass, blood, maybe we’ll get lucky and some of it will be the perps.”

“Any surveillance camera’s?” Carisi asked.

“Super says they haven’t worked in months, they’re basically there to ward off burglars.”

“Any sign of a robbery?” Carisi asked, “She said the perp took her necklace, did he take anything else?”

“Not that we can tell.”

“Anyone hear anything?” Carisi asked.

“Everybody heard something, nobody called the cops or even bothered to look out.” Fin said as he approached.

“You’re kidding me, this again? What happened to help thy neighbor.” Carisi asked.

“That doesn’t happen in the city,” Rollins quipped.

Carisi shook his head and rubbed his temples, “Okay, she said she took the D train, check to see if there’s any footage of her there around 6 this morning, maybe he followed her from work. What else did the neighbors say?” Carisi asked.

“She’s lived her for four years, she’s quiet, keeps to herself.” Rollins said.

“I got that impression too, she keeps a pretty set schedule, work, home, gym, work…” Carisi said.

“What are you thinking?” Rollins asked.

“It wouldn’t be hard for someone to stalk her.”

“You think this was an obsession thing?” Fin asked.

“I’m not ruling it out.” Carisi said.

Carisi walked out of the apartment building and turned to look at the label to Tru’s apartment buzzer, just as he thought, it didn’t say her name it just said _T. Jordan_. Carisi scribbled in his notebook, _did she know him? Or does he know her?_

He got in his car and drove to the 24-hour fitness gym, walking in he could smell the sweat of the two-dozen people who occupied it. He walked up to the lady at the front desk, pulling out his badge, he showed it to the twenty something blond behind the counter.

“Good afternoon ma’am, I’m detective Carisi with the Manhattan special victims’ unit, do you know a woman by the name of Tru Jordan.”

The woman nodded, “Sure, I make it a point to know all my clients by name, did she do something?”

“Actually, something was done to her,” Carisi replied, “What about Zeke? Do you know a guy buy that name?”

“Sure, Zeke Thompson, he’s right over there.” She pointed to the weightlifting bench where a tall muscular man with brown hair was bench pressing what looked to be his body weight. Carisi nodded and headed over to _Zeke._

“Excuse me, Carisi-Manhattan SVU,” He said, identifying himself yet again. He must do this 20 times a day at least.

Zeke looked up from his weights and replaced the bar to where it belonged, he sat up and wiped the sweat from his brow with a towel. “Detective, what can I do for you?”

“Do you know a woman by the name of Tru Jordan, she comes here a lot.” Carisi said, right away Carisi noticed that Zeke didn’t fit Tru’s description at all. He had straight hair, blue eyes and was every bit of 6’2.

“Tru, sure I know her.”

“How well do you know her?” Carisi asked.

“Well not as well as I’d like to,” Zeke smirked. “She’s hot, wicked smart and has a killer body.”

Carisi nodded like he knew what Zeke was talking about, even though it made his stomach turn. “Right, you hit that?”

“Nah man, I asked her out last week. She said no. No hard feelings.” Zeke said.

“No hard feelings huh?” Carisi asked, “So you wouldn’t have been the one to follow her home, push your way into her apartment and rape her early this morning?”

“What the hell?” Zeke exclaimed in pure shock, “No of course not, she was raped?”

“Where were you this morning between 6 and 7 am?” Carisi asked.

“I took a chick out last night, got lucky, left around 10 this morning.” Zeke said.

“Right, does this _chick_ have a name?” Carisi asked.

“Yeah, Janine, you were just talking to her, she runs this place.”

Carisi looked over at Janine, who was still rubber necking their conversation. “Ok, I’ll check with her. But first, have you noticed anyone hanging around while Tru was here, anyone that maybe didn’t belong or anyone paying close attention to her?”

“Yeah actually, I noticed a guy looking in the window day before last. He was watching her work out.”

Carisi pulled out his notebook, “What did he look like?”

“White guy, early thirties, not quite 6 feet tall, black curly hair, it was too far a way to see his eye color. When he saw me notice him he left…I walked Tru home that day.”

“So, it bothered you, you feared for her safety.”

“Sure,”

“Can you describe him to a sketch artist?” Carisi asked.

“I don’t know, I can try.” Zeke replied.

“Ok, what is a good number to call you at?”

“555-0176.” Zeke replied, Carisi wrote it down.

He thanked Zeke for his help, checked in with Janine before he left, just in case, and sure enough she alibied him. Carisi checked his watch, it was pushing 6 o’clock, he headed toward the precinct.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tru continues to struggle with the aftermath of her attack, and the police find a new lead in their investigation.

**Chapter 3**

_Tru found herself struggling under the weight of her attacker, she tried to scream but nothing came out, she pushed against the weight of his body, but he was so heavy. She clawed at the mask on his face, and when he saw that she was trying to remove his mask he pulled his fist back and landed a heavy blow to her face. Then he lifted off her just long enough to flip her over, he threw her over the bar, and she heard her ribs crack, she cried out in pain._ She screamed again and her eyes sprang open as she sat up from her nightmare. She was breathing heavy, trembling with fear, her cheeks were wet with tears. She didn’t even know it was possible to literally cry in your sleep, but she was. She looked over at the clock, it was 3 a.m, nearly 30 minutes from the last time she woke up screaming. Despite the double dose of Nyquil she had taken, she couldn’t sleep for longer than 45 minutes at a time. Any minute now she expected to hear the front desk clerk to knock on the door with a noise complaint.

Tru climbed out of the queen size bed, her feet uneasy as they hit the floor. It must be the sleep agent; her body was tired even if her mind wouldn’t let her sleep. She pulled a bottle of water from the mini fridge and opened it, gladly taking in the cold liquid. She then began to pace a line back and forth across the floor.

She tried to rack her brain for even the tiniest details that might help them find her rapist. She tried to think, she flashed back to walking down the hallway and she tried to remember if she heard footsteps behind her or if she saw a reflection…nothing. How could she have such little situational awareness?

Then there was the rape itself, she should have fought harder, screamed louder, kicked him, scratched him, bit him, _anything_ to get away. She found herself looking out the window, down at the street, even in the middle of the night there was no shortage of activity on the street below. She looked at the men down there and wondered if it was one of them who raped her. She wondered what would happen now. How she could go back to her apartment tomorrow and try to _live_ there. She shook her head, trying to shake the thought away. She had to sleep, that was all there was too it. Even before the attack she had had a long day. She was mentally, physically, emotionally drained and she needed to recharge. She climbed back into bed and pulled the covers all around her. She kept the television on for background noise, and closed her eyes to sleep.

The next morning when Carisi returned to his desk at the police station he found a manila envelope on it, big black letters written in sharpie said, _She’s mine_. He looked around, “What is this? Who left it?” He asked.

“I don’t know it was here when I got in,” Fin said.

“Me too,” Rollins said. “Why what’s it say?”

Carisi retrieved a rubber a pair of rubber gloves from his pocket and put them on. Then he opened the envelope. It contained three pictures of Tru, all in black and white. The first one was of Tru at the gym, it was taken from outside, and shot through the window. Carisi gently laid it down, as to not destroy any possible evidence. The second picture featured Tru walking home, it was taken from across the street, he could tell by the cars in the picture. The third picture made his stomach turn, he felt like he would lose the little bit of breakfast he managed to scarf down. Tru lay on the floor, her clothes off, blood seeping from a wound on her cheek, and the back and arms all cut up. He took a deep breath trying to take it in, he looked back at the envelope, the inscription on it taunting him, _She’s mine._

“Oh my God,” Rollins said, “Did she mention that he took her picture after the rape?”

“No, she didn’t, it doesn’t look like she is conscious,” Carisi said, “I’m gonna have to tell her.”

It didn’t take long to get Tru on the phone, she probably hadn’t slept all night, Carisi thought. They made arrangements for him to pick her up from the hotel and take her home, her new lock was ready, and police were done with her apartment.

Carisi and Tru walked in unison up to Tru’s apartment, he tried to keep her mind on small talk, but it was to no avail. He noticed her hesitate before walking up to the door, and she turned to look behind her.

“It’s okay, you’re safe with me.” Carisi said gently. Tru’s brown eyes still darted.

Tru took a few more steps forward as Carisi put the key in the lock and turned it. He opened the door and the two walked in. Tru flipped the light switch and the room illuminated with light. It looked like a train wreck. There were black spots all over the walls where they dusted for fingerprints, sections of the floor were taped off where they found blood. Furniture was knocked over, but she remembered that being from the attack.

“Wow,” Tru said. “I wonder how often I’ve made people come home to a mess like this.”

“It can’t be helped,” Carisi said, partly trying to make her feel better and partly trying to excuse the mess his colleagues had left. However, if anyone could understand the mess a forensic technician leaves behind it would be Tru herself. “I’ll help you clean up.” He offered.

“Don’t be silly,” Tru said, she took a deep breath and looked around again.

‘I insist,” He said, leaning down and setting up a knocked over bar stool.

Tru retrieved the broom and dustpan from the closet and began to sweet up the shards of glass, while Carisi continued setting up knocked over furniture.

Tru had a nice apartment, it was loft style, with glass French doors blocking off the bedroom. The kitchen was small, with just a kitchenette on one wall and a bar separating it from the living room. In the living room was a cream-colored sofa and two chairs arranged nicely with a coffee table in the middle. “So where are you from?” Carisi asked, trying to break the silence. He picked up a picture of an older couple, grandparents, he thought, and sat it back down on the mantle.

“Jersey,” Tru replied, “I moved here to attend Hudson University, I ended up liking it, so I stayed.”

“Hudson huh, that’s impressive.” Carisi said.

“I guess,” Tru shrugged, “Where are you from?”

“The accent doesn’t give it away?” He asked with a smirk, she smiled, “I’m from Staten Island.”

“Why did you choose special victims?” Tru asked.

The question surprised him; it’d been a while since anyone had asked him that. “I worked homicide for a couple years, and it was hard to take. These women, all dolled up, but they’re dead…and knowing 9 times out of 10 it was their ol’ man who killed ‘em…I thought, maybe I can help them before it gets to that point.”

Tru was staring at him, something he had said rung true with her. What was it? Carisi wasn’t sure, but there was something mysterious about this girl and he wanted to solve the mystery. He caught himself staring back into her deep brown eyes and cleared his throat, “Don’t get me wrong, sex crimes are just as hard…”

“No, I get it,” Tru said as she dumped a dustpan full of glass into the trash can.

“Speaking of,” Carisi said as he crossed the living room to where she stood in the kitchen, he pulled his phone from his pocket. “The originals are still being processed for prints…but I received these at the station today.”

He unlocked his phone and pulled up the pictures that were sent to him, he took a deep breath, “This might be hard to look at.”

Worry immediately crossed Tru’s face, “What is it?” She asked coming closer.

He handed her his phone, “There’s three of them,” He said.

She swiped through the pictures, and he could tell by the look on her face when she got to the one of her unconscious on the floor. She swallowed hard, “Somebody was following me?”

“It appears that way,” Carisi said. “Did you know he took that picture of you after the rape?”

She thought for a second, “No…I must have passed out.” Her hand was shaking as she handed Carisi back his phone. “Who would do this?”

Tru looked over at the spot next to her on the bar…the spot where she was raped, and a chill ran up her spine. “Wait…this means it wasn’t some random attack?” She asked, “Someone targeted me?”

“A witness described seeing a man watching you the other day at the gym, I assume it’s the day he took the first photo, he was about the height and weight of the attacker you described, with dark curly hair. Do you recall seeing him?”

She scoffed and took a seat on one of the bar stools. “No, you’d think after all these years I would be more aware of my surroundings.”

“What does that mean? After all these years?”

Tru looked over at him, shocked that she had said that. “I just mean, a single woman living a lone in the city, you think I would be smarter.”

Carisi could tell she was holding something back; he took a seat on the stool next to her. “You know, I’ve been doing this a long time and I can tell when someone is being…” he thought for a second about how to word it, “ _Less than honest_ with me. I can assure you; I am just here to help; I won’t judge you. But I can’t help until I know all the facts, now if you have a history with someone, we will figure it out and it looks better to a jury if you’re honest from the start.”

Tru took in what he said and thought for a minute, she sighed and began to speak. “It’s probably nothing.”

“Sometimes what you think isn’t important is actually very crucial.”

“When I was 18 I had this boyfriend who would get violent with me, he was possessive and controlling, he would hit me.” She flinched at the thought, “I ended up having to get a restraining order, then I went to Hudson and I haven’t seen him since. He was mean, but I don’t think he could do _this_.”

Carisi nodded “Ok, that’s good to know. Anything else?”

“Yeah,” She sighed. “He used to tell me I was too good to be true.”

Some things were clicking into place now, Carisi got out his notebook and opened it to a clean page. “This boyfriend, what was his name?”

“Connor Page,” Tru said. “Look, I’m sorry, I just…I don’t think it’s him and I don’t want him to know where I’m at. I’ve managed to stay off his radar for this long.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll be discreet.” Carisi said, he replaced the notebook into his pocket.

Back at the station, the cops sat gathered around their table in the middle of the squad room. Carisi was explaining to his colleagues about Tru’s ex-boyfriend.

“Did you check him out?” Fin asked.

“Well he still lives in Jersey and according to his Facebook page, he works at a bank, and has been happily married for 7 years.” Carisi said.

“Maybe he got the 7-year itch, went lookin’ to hook up with an old flame, only saw that she wasn’t interested and return to his violent ways.” Rollins was developing a theory. “Did the vic say anything about sexual violence with him.”

“Come on Rollins, her name is Tru not _the vic_ , and no she didn’t mention it and I didn’t push.” Carisi said.

“You know its our job to push right?” Rollins asked as she tossed her golden blond hair up into a ponytail. “It’s how we get answers.”

“Yeah but, you didn’t see her when I showed her those pictures. I didn’t want to break her…” Carisi trailed off.

“Okay so, Fin you and Carisi go to Jersey, talk to the ex but be discreet, she values her privacy. Rollins, you keep checking the surveillance around the subways and the gym, lets see if we can locate this curly haired guy.” Olivia said.


	4. Chaper 4

Chapter Four

Carisi didn’t know what to expect when he pulled up outside the big brick house of Tru’s ex-boyfriend. The tall house loomed over the street, and the pillars on the porch gave it a very plantation like feel. “You sure this is it?”

“According to google maps,” Fin said. The two of them got out of the car and headed up the sidewalk to the front door. It wasn’t long after Fin knocked that a beautiful brunette woman, who looked to be in her 30’s answered the door.

“Good evening ma’am, I’m Sergeant Tutuola, this is Detective Carisi,” Fin took the liberty of introducing themselves, “We’re looking for Connor Page.”

“That’s my husband, is everything okay?” She brought her hand up to touch the set of pearls that hung around her neck, _nervous habit_ , Carisi thought.

“Yes ma’am, we’d just like to ask him a few questions,” Fin replied.

“OK, come in,” Mrs. Page ushered the detectives in and sat them in the formal living room. “He’s just outback, I’ll go get him.”

Once she was out of earshot, Fin looked at Carisi, “What do you think?” He asked.

“I think the guys got a type,” Carisi replied.

A moment late Mrs. Page returned, Connor Page wasn’t far behind, he extended his hand and introduced himself, Fin and Carisi stood and shook his hand.

“Detectives, Connor Page, I understand you have some questions for me?” He said.

Connor Page stood about six feet-two inches tall, he had broad shoulders and a muscular build. He was clean shaven and had his hair cut short, he wore a pair of suit pants with a blue button up shirt and the sleeves rolled up. He didn’t really look like a brutal rapist, but come to think of it, who does?

“Yes, sir,” Carisi started, he eyed Mrs. Page, “Would it be ok if we spoke in private? It’s a sensitive matter.”

“Oh, of course!” Mrs. Page exclaimed. She turned and left the room.

Connor motioned for the detectives to take a seat on the couch and he sat across from them in a chair.

“Mr. Page, do you recall a woman by the name of Tru Jordan?” Carisi asked, although he already knew the answer. He rarely asked a question he didn’t already know the answer to, it’s part of what made him such a good detective. Besides, how bad would your memory have to be for you to forget someone who took a restraining order out on you?

“Tru? Of course, she was my girlfriend in high school.” Connor said, he didn’t look nervous, or shaken, but he did look surprised, like he hadn’t heard her name in a long time.

“When’s the last time you saw her?” Fin asked.

“Wow, it must be…” Connor thought for a moment, “Ten years or so.”

“So, you haven’t seen her recently?” Carisi asked.

“No, why? Did something happen to her?” Connor asked.

“No why would you ask that?” Fin replied.

“Well, why else would you be here questioning me? You must have found out about the restraining order.” Connor said, “Am I a suspect in something?”

Fin and Carisi exchanged a glance.

“Is Tru ok?” Connor continued.

“She’ll live, if that’s what you mean.” Carisi said.

A wash of relief came over Connor, “Ok, so what happened? What can I do to help?”

“Well first of all you can tell us where you were Monday morning around seven.” Carisi said.

“I was here, getting ready for work and getting the kids off to school.” Connor replied without hesitation.

“So, your kids can verify that?” Carisi asked.

“If they have too…but my wife was home too, she can tell you…” Connor said, “Why do I need an alibi?”

Carisi and Fin glanced at each other again. Seeing that Carisi didn’t want to betray Tru’s confidence, Fin spoke up, “We’re with Manhattan Special Victims Unit, we’re investigating an assault.”

“Special victims…an assault, you mean a rape? Tru was raped?” Connor filled in the gaps. He sat back in his chair and looked away.

“What was your relationship with Tru like?” Carisi asked.

It took Connor a moment to break out of his thoughts, when he spoke his voice was low and sullen, “It was great until the incident.”

“The incident?” Carisi looked at Fin with amusement, “Our reports say you used to smack her around.”

Connor sat up straighter, “It wasn’t like that.”

“Of course it wasn’t,” Fin said.

“No, we’ve never heard that before,” Carisi retorted, “So tell me, Mr. Page, what was it like?”

“Look things were great with Tru until her parents died, it all went to hell after that.” Connor said.

“Okay, so it’s her fault,” Carisi said, “We’ve never heard that before either.”

“No, it’s my fault. I was on steroids at the time and it made me violent,” Connor said, “I did stuff I would never in a million years do now. I have put all that behind me, I have a great family, great kids, my life is good, and I have Tru to thank for that.”

Carisi nodded, “You mentioned her parents died? What happened?”

“You guys don’t know?” Connor sounded genuinely surprised. “Her dad killed her mom and then himself.”

Fin and Carisi looked at each other again, no wonder she looked so distant the other day when Carisi mentioned husbands killing their wives, she had seen it firsthand.

“Tru came home from cheerleading that day and found them, it messed her up bad.”

“So, what you’re saying is you beat up on your grieving girlfriend?” Carisi asked, he found himself disgusted.

Connor narrowed his eyes on Carisi, “What I’m saying is it was a dark time for both of us.”

“Probably darker for her though, right?” Carisi replied.

“The judge knew her parents, he never would have granted that restraining order otherwise…at first I was angry, but it turned out to be a good thing, scared me straight, ya know?” Connor hesitated a minute. “Why do you guys think I might be involved?”

“The attacker said something to her that reminded her of you,” Fin answered.

“What’s that?” Connor asked.

“He said, ‘You’re too good to be Tru,’” Carisi replied. “What do you make of that?”

Connor seemed surprised, he thought for a second, “I don’t know…I mean her name does offer itself to some obvious puns.”

Mrs. Page re-entered the room carrying a tray with glasses of lemonade on it. An excuse to see what the questioning was about. “Here you go, I thought you might be thirsty.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Page, but we were just about to leave,” Carisi and Fin stood up.

Mrs. Page turned to Connor, “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, they just had some questions about Tru,” he said.

Carisi turned around, “Wait your wife knows Tru too?”

“Of course, we all went to high school together.” Connor answered.

Mrs. Page crossed the room to the bookshelf and returned a minute later with a yearbook, she opened it to a page toward the back, and handed it to the detectives.

“We were good friends,” She said. “I hope she’s okay.”

Carisi and Fin looked down at the picture she handed them, it was of a much younger looking Tru, along with Mrs. Page, in their cheerleading outfits, Connor was there, in his football jersey, along with a couple other teenagers, Carisi didn’t know why, but he lifted his phone and took a snapshot of the picture. He handed the book back to Mrs. Page.

“Thank you,” Carisi said, “You guys have been very helpful.”

“I hope Tru is okay,” Mrs. Page repeated, “If we can help with anything else, just let us know.”

Carisi and Fin exited the house and headed toward the car. “Wife Alibied him,” Fin said.

“Wives lie for their husbands all the time,” Carisi pointed out.

“That’s true, but my gut says he’s not our guy,” Fin said.

“Yeah, I got that feelin’ too, it’s too bad too, I was hoping it would be an easy solve.”

“When is it ever easy?” Fin asked, Carisi laughed and nodded in understanding.

“Did Tru tell you about her parents?” Fin asked, pulling the car keys out of his pocket.

“No, she didn’t, but then again why would she?” Carisi asked.

“Seems like you’ve developed a repour with her.” Fin said.

“I’m just trying to help her,” Carisi replied.

Carisi opened the passenger side door and climbed in, “So what now?” He asked.

Fin put the key in the ignition and started that car, “I guess we check with Rollins, see if she had any luck with the cameras.”

Back in the squad room the detectives gave a run down of everything they had discovered during the days investigations.

“Tru is on the surveillance camera’s, but I didn’t see anyone following her, or anyone suspicious….no more than usual anyway.” Rollins walked from her desk and put a printed picture of Tru up on their cork-board.

“The wife alibied the ex, and this guy look like he’d seen a ghost when we mentioned her, I don’t think Tru has even crossed his mind in a long time.” Carisi said.

“We need more to go on.” Olivia said. “The rape kit came back from the hospital…no traces of semen or fluids, but they did confirm forcible penetration.”

Carisi clicked his pen open, then shut, then back open, the thought of it turning his stomach.

“However, the lab finished processing the photos that were on Carisi’s desk. Apparently, they were a home job. They found traces of at home developer and chemicals.”

“I didn’t think anybody did that anymore,” Fin said.

“Not many do, so there’s our lead. Black and white photo’s take more skill to develop and the crime lab says these are a pretty good job, so we’re looking for somebody with a background in photography, maybe he has access to a dark room or has one at his home.” Olivia said took her reading glasses off and laid them on the table in front of her.

The telephone rang and Fin answered it, “Special victims…. yeah….okay we’ll be right there.” He put the receiver back down on the base and looked up, “We caught a rape, upper east side.”

“Same guy?” Carisi asked.

“I don’t think so,” Fin said.

“Okay, Rollins and Fin, you go.” Olivia said, “Carisi, go back to Tru, I want you to try the trauma informed method, walk through everything again, see if anything else shakes loose.”

“Lieu…I don’t know if she can handle that,” Carisi said.

“We have nothing else to go on, she’s gonna have to.”

“Copy that,” Carisi complied.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

As Carisi walked down the hallway to Tru’s apartment, he noticed a thud coming from inside the apartment. He listened closer as he approached the doorway and he heard Tru grunt. _Obvious signs of a struggle_ he thought, he pulled his weapon and tried the doorknob. Finding it unlocked, he entered the apartment and saw a tall, muscular man. He landed a blow to Tru’s face, busting her lip and grabbed her into a headlock in one fell swoop, her feet were lifted almost completely off the ground. She struggled with him, trying to break free.

“NYPD step away from the girl and put your hands where I can see them!” Carisi yelled, pointing his weapon at the perp.

He let go of Tru, and turned around with his hands up, “Dude what the hell is going on here?”

“Sonny—"

“NYPD,” Carisi interrupted “Keep your hands where I can see them.”

“Sonny!” Tru repeated louder this time, “It’s ok he’s training me!”

Carisi lowered his weapon, “He’s what?”

He looked around for the first time since entering the apartment, the furniture was pushed to the side and there were exercise mats on the floor. He noticed Tru was in athletic gear, and so was the man.

“My name is Jacob Montgomery,” he said, “I’m a personal trainer. I’ve been helping Tru to learn self-defense.”

“Self-defense?” Carisi repeated, he turned to look at Tru, “You could have gotten seriously hurt, you’re still recovering! It can take 6 weeks for cracked ribs to heal.” He turned his gaze back to the trainer, “And you, do you usually treat injured women like that?”

Tru was pulling ice out of the freezer, she wrapped it in a hand towel and put in on her bloody lip, she was out of breath when she said, “Jacob, just go…we’ll talk later.”

Carisi watched as Jacob left the apartment, “What the hell, Tru?” He narrowed his piercing blue eyes on her, “I could have shot him!”

“I didn’t know you were coming.” Tru replied, she took a drink from a glass of water and winced at the pain in her lip, she replaced the ice to her lip.

“This is not the way to handle this situation,” His voice came out a little harsher than he intended, his worry was showing through. _So much for my poker face_ , he thought. He took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure. “Look, I get it—”

“But you think I’m crazy for wanting to protect myself?” Tru interrupted.

“I think you have been through a lot, somebody took something from you and you want it back. But pushing yourself like this, so soon after the attack…I’m afraid it is gonna do more harm than good.” Carisi said.

Tru turned to face him, her deep brown eyes looking right into his and said, “Why do you care so much?”

The question took him by surprise and to tell the truth, he hadn’t thought about why he cared so much. He didn’t know why he had a sudden burst of protective instincts run through his veins whenever she was around, and he didn’t know what to think about it either. He looked away, “Your ex is clean.”

“What?” Tru asked.

“He has an alibi—it checks out. Apparently, he has turned his life around and he thanks you for that,” Carisi leaned against the bar, locking eyes with her again. He could see tears brimming in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall, and when he spoke this time it was much softer, “What is it?”

“Did you know that if a crime isn’t solved in the first 48 hours it usually never is?” Her voice came out hoarse and barely above a whisper, “It’s been one hundred and twenty…and a half.”

He found himself at a loss for words, “You haven’t slept at all have you?”

“How can I? You just cleared your only suspect.” Tru looked from the door to the spot on the bar, and back to the door. “I can’t sleep until it’s over.”

“Would it make you feel better if I stayed tonight?” Carisi asked, “Just to keep an eye out…I’ll park outside, make sure everything is okay…”

“You would do that?” Tru asked, she looked at him surprised.

“Of course,” Carisi said.

Tru bent down and picked up one of the mats, she rolled it up and placed it in the corner, she grabbed the next one and did the same thing. For a minute Carisi thought maybe he had crossed a line, but then she spoke up.

“I think that would help.” She said finally. “But do you think you could just stay _in_ here.”

“I’ll have to check with my Lieutenant, but I think that would be okay.” Carisi said.

  
  


He took off his suit jacket and draped it across the back of one of the bar stools. He crossed the room and pushed the sofa back to where he had seen it a couple days ago. She began to push one of the chairs back, but she winced in pain.

“Here, let me get that,” He said, he took the chair from her and pushed it back to where it belonged, then the next one. He looked at her, trying to decide how to say what he wanted to say.

“What?” She asked.

“Are you ok?” He asked, then realizing she couldn’t possibly be okay right now, he clarified, “I mean I know you said he was your trainer, but that guy was really rough with you.”

“I asked him to be.”

“You asked him to be?” Carisi repeated, how could she ask him to hurt her after what she had just went through.

“I asked him to show me how to ward off an attack, he can’t do that without an attack…” Tru replied.

“Right, I get that, but did you tell him you were hurt?” Carisi asked. “These guys are supposed to take precautions when someone has an injury.”

“No but I did,” She lifted up her shirt on one side so he could she that she had wrapped her ribs, he could see the discoloration of the skin on her side, and even though he was the one who took her statement, he had seen the pictures, it still surprised him to see just how bad she was beat up. As if she could read his thoughts then she quickly put her shirt back down. “You can see, I’m fine.”

“Just do me a favor, lay off the rough stuff until you give yourself time to heal.” Carisi offered. Tru nodded and took a seat in one of the chairs. “Besides,” he continued, “Ya gotta fight smart not hard.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“I’ll show you when your _healed._ ” Carisi smiled, and then he moved onto the next thing he needed to talk to her about, “So listen, there’s something else…”

Tru looked up, Carisi took a seat across from her on the sofa, he rested his elbows on his long legs as he leaned forward. “My lieutenant wants me to try a new interview technique with you, she thinks it might help fill in the missing pieces.”

“What kind of technique?” Tru asked.

“It’s called trauma-informed interviewing, it’s kind of like roll playing. I take you back through what happened, we walk through it step by step and we see if anything new comes to light.”

Tru nodded, “Yeah, I’ve actually heard about this, you think it will help?”

“I think it couldn’t hurt; we can do it after you get some rest.” Carisi said, “It would probably work better with a fresh mind.”

“Or I might be able to sleep better if we come to some kind of revelation,” Tru said.

“You want to do it now?” Carisi asked, raising his eyebrow, “Are you sure?”

Tru stood up and crossed the living room to her bedroom, “Yeah I’m sure.” She said, “I’m going to change my clothes.”

“Ok, do you have any chamomile tea?” Carisi asked.

“Yeah, its in the drawer next to the fridge.” She went into her room and shut the French doors behind her.

Carisi went to the kitchen and began to fix her some chamomile tea. He found also lit the row of candles that were on the coffee table and dimmed the other lights to set the mood. He found himself amused once again at his line of work. Fixing a drink, lighting candles to set the mood, all things people do on a date, but no, he was getting ready to hear about a brutal rape. That’s the job.

Tru emerged from her room a few minutes later, wearing a grey sweatshirt and pajama pants. She had her hair pulled back into a ponytail; a few strands of hair fell loosely around her face. She looked around at the candles with question.

“I need you to be relaxed,” Carisi offered, he set the tea down on the table. “Get comfortable.”

She took a seat at the corner of the sofa and pulled a big comfy looking throw pillow on to her lap, and grabbed her cup of tea, she took a tiny sip. Carisi sat down across from her in the chair, where he had before, he pulled out his notebook in case he needed to write anything down.

“Ok, are you ready?” Carisi asked, Tru nodded. He kept his tone soft when he spoke. “What did you do at work that day?”

“I worked from the lab, I had to write up reports from the case I had done the day before.”

“How did you get to work that day?”

“I took an Uber,” Tru said.

“Do you usually take an Uber?” Carisi asked, he wrote in his notebook.

“Most of the time, I finished up work early, the one I usually take wasn’t available and I don’t like to ride with new people so I took the subway.” Tru said.

“Okay, that’s helpful,” Carisi said.

“So you finished up early, took the train home…” Carisi said, he took a deep breath. “Tell me what happened when you got home.”

Tru took another drink of her tea and set it on the table. She tugged at the pillow on her lap, avoiding going back to that place. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

Carisi leaned forward, “Tru, I wanna catch this guy, but we don’t have a lot to go on…we need you to do this.”

Tru nodded, “I walked from the subway station, it didn’t take long. Everything seemed normal. I got to the door…unlocked it…I walked inside, and when I turned around to close the door and lock it behind me I felt someone push the door into me, it hit me in the face…I fell back onto the ground…he shut the door and locked it…I tried to get up—” She took a deep breath.

“Take your time,” Carisi said.

“I managed to get to my feet, and I ran around the bar to get away. He knocked stuff off the counters trying to catch me…a vase I think, I don’t know what else. He managed to grab me by my hair, he yanked me back hard, I landed flat on my back on the broken glass. He pulled me up off the ground by my arms and threw me over the bar, right over there,” she pointed, “I heard…and felt my ribs crack, he yanked my pants down and I tried to scream, that’s when he slammed my head against the counter.”

Carisi closed his eyes, he couldn’t imagine having to go through something so horrible, and the thought that someone would do that to her…to any woman filled him with rage.

“He began to rape me at that point. I told him to stop, he said ‘like you have a choice’ I noticed a knife on the counter and I reached for it, he grabbed my wrists and slammed them against the counter…he held me in that position until he was done.”

“What happened next, Tru?” Carisi asked gently.

“He let me go, he said I was too good to be Tru,” She wiped the tears away, “I called him a bastard, that’s when he punched me---wait,” something dawned on her.

“What is it?”

“He was left-handed…and when his gloves connected to my face, I smelled something…it was vinegary…I know I’ve smelled it before.” She thought for a moment, “like photo developer, maybe?”

Carisi wrote the notes down, “The lab tech seems to think he developed the pictures he sent me himself, so that’s a possibility.”

“He punched me…” She continued, “That’s when I must have passed out…when I woke up he was gone…the door was ajar…I shut it and locked it, and called the police.”

Carisi nodded and looked at Tru, she was shaking. “You did good, Tru.”

“I didn’t tell you anything you didn’t know.” She said.

“We didn’t know he was left-handed, and you confirmed our theory about the photography background. These are good things,” Carisi said, “Why don’t you try to get some rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

She nodded and walked to her bedroom, she turned around in the doorway and looked at him, “You can help yourself to what ever you need…” She said, but she lingered like she wanted to say something else. She looked away from him, “Thank you…for staying…”

Carisi politely smiled at her, she shut the doors to her room, and he stood to his feet, he walked to the window and looked outside. Not seeing anything suspicious, we walked back over to the couch and sat down and prepared to keep watch all night.

 _He_ sat at his desk after work, like he did most nights, and stared at the computer screen in front of him. On the single big screen were four individual squares, each showing a different room of his true love’s apartment. Tru was in her bedroom, changing her clothes. He took in the sight of her body, and his handiwork on it. He wasn’t proud of himself for hurting her like that, but she wouldn’t listen. As a matter of fact, if she had just noticed him the first time, he wouldn’t have had to go so far. So, if you really think about it it was all her fault. None of that matter’s now. What matters is making sure the cops keep going in the wrong direction, and nothing stands in the way of them being together.

He cast his gaze to one of the other squares, the camera in the living room. The Good Detective was there, sitting on the couch, waiting for Tru to return. He looked at his watch, _awful late for a house call_ , he thought. He made a mental note to keep an eye on the Good Detective, make sure he wasn’t getting too close to the truth or to Tru.

Anger and jealousy boiled inside of him, but he urged himself not to worry and then he assured himself _She will be mine soon enough, all mine._


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Tru awoke the next morning, feeling rested and like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. For a moment she forgot all about the events over the past few days…but only for a moment. She stretched and sat up on the side of the bed, waiting a minute before climbing out.

When she opened the door to her bedroom the aroma of fresh cooked eggs filled her senses. 

“You’re up,” Sonny said once he noticed her standing in the doorway, he was standing at the stove with a hand towel draped over one shoulder, and the sleeves to his button up shirt were rolled up. “How did you sleep?”

“Amazing,” Tru said taking a seat at the bar where there was already an empty play waiting on her, “What’s all this?”

Sonny lifted an omelet out of the skillet with the spatula and placed it on the plate in front of Tru.

“I’m Italian, I like to cook,” Sonny shrugged, just then toast popped up out of the toaster and he placed it in front of her as well. “I figured you could use a good meal.”

“You didn’t have to do this,” Tru said, “But thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Carisi said. “What are your plans for today?”

Tru cut a piece of the egg with her fork and took a bite, “I thought I might try to go to work.”

Carisi nodded although it was clear by the look on his face, he wasn’t sure if she was ready. There was a moment of silence between them for a minute and the Sonny’s phone chimed, he snatched it off the counter and looked at it. “I should go,” he said suddenly, “Duty calls.”

Tru nodded and watched him as he put his suit jacket back on, he stopped at the door before he left and looked back at her. “Hey Tru,” he said. “Try not to push yourself ok? It’s alright to need some time.”

Tru nodded again, hearing what he had said she reconsidered going back to work. Maybe it was too soon, maybe she still needed to rest. In all honesty no matter what she did it wouldn’t undo what has happened, things would never go back to the way they were. There was no normal anymore, just _before_ and _after_. She decided she would give herself a little more time, for now she was going to enjoy her breakfast.

The next few weeks passed slowly for Tru. Her case went cold, there weren’t any leads. She knew the detectives were trying, but there wasn’t any use, she might as well have been raped by a ghost.

It took her a week to get up the courage to leave the house. Detective Carisi made sure to stop in and check on her almost every day. On the days he didn’t have the chance to stop in, he would call to make sure she was ok and reassure her that they were doing everything they could.

She returned to work on the second week, only part time for now. It helped for her to escape her thoughts and get back to her normal routine. Although she no longer worked nights, and she made sure she was home before dark.

Tru sat on the sofa, her feet kicked up on the coffee table and her head resting on the back of the couch. The tv played quietly in the background, some soap opera. She was lost in her own thoughts and fears, wondering if they would ever catch the man who did this and struggling with the most important question of them all, _why me?_

The sound of the doorbell broke through her reflections and she sat on the couch for a minute, not sure if she wanted to answer it or not. Finally, she rose to her feet and walked over to the door, looking out the peep hole, she didn’t see anyone.

“Who’s there?” She called out…no answer.

She looked again and didn’t see anything, she unlocked the handle of the door, leaving the chain locked and cracked it open. She found nobody in the hallway, however there was a long rectangular box placed right in front of her door. She managed to turn it on its side and slide it into her apartment without undoing the chain lock. She made sure she locked the door back before taking the box to the counter.

When she opened it she found a dozen beautiful black roses tucked neatly inside some white tissue paper. Although they were pretty, it gave her an eerie feeling as she reached for the card. She slowly opened it, anticipating the worst, she read the inscription on the card: _You’ll always be mine._ She dropped the card back into the box and slammed the lid shut.

She pulled out her phone and dialed Carisi’s number. It rang three times before she heard his thick New York accent come across the other line.

“Carisi,” he said.

“Sonny, its him—he—he sent me flowers.” Her voice came out more panicked than she would have liked it to.

“I’ll be right there,” he said before hanging up the phone.

Carisi walked back into the squad room after dropping the flowers off at evidence. He shrugged off his jacket and hung it on the back of his desk chair.

“How is she?” Rollins asked, turning her swivel chair to face him.

Carisi sat down at his desk and heaved a big sigh. “She’s putting on a brave face…” Carisi trailed off.

“The flowers are from a little flower shop in Brooklynn,” Olivia said coming out of her office, phone in her hand. “I talked to them; they think they have surveillance footage of the person that bought them.”

“That’s good news,” Carisi said.

“Yes, so go, see what they have.” Olivia replied.

Carisi grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair and headed out the room.

The clerk at the flower shop was very helpful and she already had the footage ready by the time Carisi got to the shop. Later that day Carisi sat at his desk reviewing the footage from around the time the flowers were purchased. He was nervously clicking his pen open and shut, like he always did when he was deep in thought. He was taking this case really hard, he was angry at himself for not being able to catch this guy yet. He felt this growing connection to Tru and he wanted to help her. He wanted to catch this bad guy for her.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Rollins voice broke his concentration.

Carisi gave her a sideways glance, not completely taking his eyes of the computer screen in front of him, “I’m just hoping for a break in the case.”

“We’ll get there, these things take time.” Rollins said. “It would help if she could give up more to go on.”

“The guy attacked her from behind and he was wearin’ a mask,” Carisi snapped, “What was she supposed to do, ask for his business card?”

Rollins bit her bottom lip, “I didn’t mean it like that, I just….” She hesitated for minute, “I want to solve this case too/

Carisi nodded, “Me too.” He narrowed his eyes on the screen, “Wait I think I got something.”

“What is it?” Rollins walked up behind him and looked at the screen.

“He keeps his back to the camera the whole time.” Carisi said, he clicked his pen back shut and tossed it onto the desk. “Damn it.”

“How’d he pay?” Rollins asked.

“Cash.”

“Damn it,” Rollins said.

“That was our only lead,” Carisi said, “Now I have to go tell Tru it was a dead end.”

“Any luck with the sketch?” Rollins asked.

“No,” Carisi said, “It could be anybody. This guys a ghost.”

“I’ll call her,” Rollins offered, “That way you don’t have to.”

“No, its ok. Our last lead just went up in smoke…she should hear it in person.” Carisi said.

Carisi and Tru sat at the little dining table in Tru’s apartment, their seats turned inward towards each other, two half eaten plates of Sonny’s famous spaghetti sat in front of them, along with two glasses of wine. Tru took a sip from her glass and replaced it on the table. He had decided he would cook her dinner, hoping that it might make up for the lack of progress in their investigation, or maybe make her feel better….maybe he was just looking for an excuse to spend some extra time with her.

“We managed to trace the flowers that were sent to you to a shop in Brooklyn,” Carisi said. “We were hoping he paid with a card, or that the surveillance cameras caught a glimpse of his face but no such luck.”

Tru shook her head, “He’s too smart for that.” She said, and then her eyes glazed over, she was staring off into the distance. He could tell she was thinking back to that night. “Whoever’s doing this wants me. He wants to keep me for himself…”

Carisi moved his head into her line of sight, making eye contact with her, “Well he can’t have you.”

Tru reached up and gently placed her hand on his arm, “Thank you for everything.”

“I’m just doing my job,” Carisi said, his voice came out low, barely about a whisper.

“Are you sure that’s all it is?” Tru asked, her voice also quiet. “Sometimes it feels like more.”

“Maybe it’s a little more…” He whispered.

Her touch was soft and gentle, as she slid her hand from his wrist upward to his elbow, gently stroking his forearm. Carisi gently took her hand with the intention of shrugging the motion off, instead he found himself cupping her hand, not wanting to let it go. It wasn’t long before Tru leaned in, and even though he knew he shouldn’t; he leaned in to.

Everything else fell away, his ethics, his morals, the fact that he was the cop working on her case and this shouldn’t be happening. All he saw was Tru. Her big brown eyes, her perfect pouty lips, and he found himself longing for her. The lavender scent of Tru’s shampoo filled his senses, as he leaned in even closer.

Their lips touched softly, ever so slightly, Carisi brought his hand up to her face, tracing her jawline with his fingertips until he rested it on the side of her face, his fingers reaching into her hair. He kissed her more passionately, and he could feel her pulling him in. Her hands traveled up his arms and rested on his shoulders. Then just as quickly as it started, she pulled away with a gasp and pushed him backward, he almost fell off his chair. She jumped up, bringing a trembling hand up to cover her mouth.

“I’m so sorry,” Carisi said, regaining his balance, he stood to his feet. “I shouldn’t have done that; I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Tru shook her head, “It wasn’t you.” Tears filled Tru’s eyes, “I’m so sorry. “

“What are _you_ sorry for? I’m the one who should be sorry.” Carisi held his hand up as if to stop the blame. “Don’t be… I understand…look it’s perfectly natural for you…or both of us…to misconstrue situations such as these…working so closely these past couple of weeks…” he stammered a little, trying to figure out what he was trying to say, “Sometimes victims of a crime can form an emotional attachment to cops, doctors, fire fighters, it’s a classic case of transference…it’s also not uncommon for cops to form attachments to victims—Florence-nightingale syndrome and all that…I took advantage, I’m really sorry.”

“Transference?” Tru narrowed her eyes on him, “That’s what you think this is?”

Carisi shook his head, fully prepared to give another well-informed statistical explanation, but instead he found himself saying, “I don’t _want_ it to be.”

Tru sighed and sat down on the sofa, burying her head in her hands. “You’ve been so kind to me, I can’t believe I put you in this position.”

Carisi moved forward, taking a seat on the coffee table in front of her, “Hey, don’t talk like that.” He said gently. “You’ve been through a lot; your emotions are all over the place…I should have known better.”

Tru shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself she cradled herself. “I think…” She hesitated a minute, like she wasn’t completely sure what she thought, “I just need some time alone.”

Carisi nodded, “I understand, I’ll go.” 

He stood up and grabbed his jacket off the side of the sofa, and he headed for the door. Before he left, he turned around and looked at her again. He could tell she was shaken, obviously from the kiss that sent her into a flashback. “Listen Tru if you need anything…. please don’t hesitate.”

In the quiet of the night he made his way down the dimly lit hallway to Tru’s apartment. The only sound was that of the rain pounding on the roof. He crept slowly up to the door, put his tools in the keyhole and wiggled them around until he heard a familiar click. Then gently opening the door he peered in. The apartment was dark, the smell of fresh pine sol filled his senses, she must have cleaned just before going to bed. He wondered just how much time she spent cleaning lately. Not only her apartment but herself. How many showers had he made her take? How much scrubbing did she do, trying to feel clean again? He gently shut the door behind him, making sure to not make a sound. He was glad the Good Detective decided to go home, it gave him time to tend to his love.

He walked closer to where he knew her bedroom was, the French doors separating the rooms were left open. _An open invitation_ , he thought. He walked into the room and there she was. Sleeping like a beautiful angel, gift wrapped in white linen just for him. He longed for her, longed to touch her, to feel her skin again. The Good Detective crossed his mind again and filled him with anger. How dare _he_ try to take what was his! How dare _she_ try to erase the memory of him! How dare _she_ try to move on! She was his and his alone, he would teach them both. Nothing could stop him; nothing could take her from him. 

Something on the nightstand caught his eye and he moved closer, picking up the small white bottle with his gloved hand, he read the label: Xanax, prescribed just a couple of days ago. She was probably still getting used to the dosage, that explains why she didn’t hear him coming…So it wasn’t so easy to forget him after all, he smiled and sat the bottle back down. They were almost making this too easy for him. He gently pulled back the blanket to reveal Tru in her pajamas; she wore a mid-length nightgown, the hem of it coming to about mid-thigh, although it might have been a little longer if it hadn’t been twisted from her sleep. He traced his hands up her bare thigh, and the feel of her soft, milky skin was enough to almost send him over the edge. _Not yet_ , he reminded himself. He could still see the brown and purple marks on her thighs where he had pried them open just a few weeks ago. He remembered that feeling, and he wanted it again.

He turned his attention to her chest, the nightgown showing just the right amount of cleavage. That’s one of the things he loved most about her, she didn’t need to be slutty to show off her body, she kept it classy, even when nobody was around to see it.

Before he knew it, he had slid his hand up her nightgown, and he gently, slowly pulled off her panties throwing them to the floor. he climbed on top of her, grabbing both hands and holding them above her head with one hand while he undid his pants with the other hand. Her eyes slowly opened. The droopy lids struggled to fight off the medication and she strained to focus, and when she realized what was happening, she screamed.

“No! no, no, no!” Tru screamed.

She struggled, trying to push him off her, but that just excited him more. He lifted his arm and backhanded her right across the face, she fell silent long enough for him to push his way in. He put his hand to her throat and pushed hard.

“I’m going to show you,” he whispered in her ear, “I’m the one for you, not _him_.”


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Carisi awoke to his cellphone ringing in the dead of night; an all too familiar sound. He sleepily reached for it on the nightstand and brought it to his face. The brightness of the screen in the darkness of the room overpowered his still adjusting eyes and he couldn’t see. Somehow still he managed to slide the green phone icon over to answer it.

“Carisi,” he said, still lying on his back, eyes closed, hoping it was something that could wait until morning.

“Sonny,” Tru sobbed on the other end, “Sonny.”

Carisi sat up so fast it made his head spin, “Tru,” he asked, “What is it? What’s wrong?”

She was sobbing, unable to catch her breath or form any words, “He—he—he came back.”

It hit him like a punch in the gut and he sprang out of bed, not bothering to fling his sheets off, they fell to the ground and he reached for his pants off the chair in the corner. “Where are you?”

“Home,”

“Is he there now?” He held his phone with his shoulder as he slid his pants on and had them buttoned in under a second, he snatched his shirt next and slid it on, not bothering to button it over the white undershirt he was sleeping in just moments ago.

“No, he…he got what he wanted.” She replied bitterly.

He closed his eyes in disbelief, “I’m coming to you,” He said, “Don’t worry, I’m coming.”

He grabbed his coat and darted out the door, locking it behind him. He made the 15-minute drive in under 7 minutes, part of that was due to there being barely any traffic, the other part was how fast he was going.

He parked his car on the street outside Tru’s apartment building and ran up the steps, taking them two at a time…not a stretch for his long legs. He didn’t know what to expect, he didn’t know what he would find when he entered her apartment.

The first thing he noticed was the door was slightly ajar, he pushed it open, entering the apartment. The next thing he noticed was that there wasn’t a single light on. “Tru,” he called out.

He heard a gasp from inside her bedroom, “In here,” She called back quietly.

He came closer, turning the lamp on next to the bed, it took a second for his eyes to adjust and then he saw her. She was cuddled up in the corner, her legs pulled tightly to her chest, with arms wrapped around them. Her breathing was un-even and he could see her shaking. He could see the relief wash over her when she saw him, and she started to cry again. He ran over to her, crouching onto the ground in front of her.

“What happened?” He demanded.

“I—I woke up and he was on top of me---I--- I don’t know how he got in.” She sobbed, her body reflexively tried to make her gasp for air, and it choked her up, she took a deep breath. He brought his hand to her shoulder and touched it gently, unsure if she would allow herself to be touched or not. She flinched slightly but didn’t protest. He saw fresh red marks on her neck and other fresh bruises on her wrists, he felt the rage bubbling up inside him.

“Did he rape you?” Carisi whispered, although he didn’t need her to answer; he could tell. His jaw tightened and hands clenched into fists at his side in anger.

She nodded as the tears began to fall from her eyes.

Carisi looked around the room, it looked almost untouched, and then he noticed the blood on the bed. He looked back to Tru. “Let’s get you to the hospital.”

“No, I can’t…I can’t do all that again, I just can’t.” She protested.

“I know you don’t want to, but you need to.” Carisi assured her. “We need to make sure you’re not _hurt_.”

“It doesn’t matter what we do, you can’t catch him.” Tru buried her head into her folded-up knees.

“Hey, hey,” Carisi whispered, “Don’t talk like that.” He sat down next to her on the floor, wrapping his arms around her he felt her relax into him, “I promise you we will catch the son of a bitch.”

She looked at him with tear filled eyes, “You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do, I promise. I won’t stop until I find him.” Carisi pulled her into a hug and she cried onto his shoulder. He began to speak again, his voice a low whisper, “But you know better than anyone that we need to collect the evidence. That’s what you can do to help. I’ll take you to the hospital, and I’ll stay with you the whole time…we also need to get CSU down here to process the…crime scene.”

“You promise you’ll stay?” Tru asked.

“I promise.” Carisi said.

Carisi sat in the waiting room, his jaw gritted, wringing his hands to keep them from shaking. His neck muscles had tightened considerably in the past hour. So many thoughts ran through his head. So many things weighing on his shoulders, but most of all he was kicking himself for leaving Tru alone tonight.

After all the rapist had flowers delivered not even 24 hours ago, he had attacked her in her home the first time. Was it so far fetched to think he would come back? Why hadn’t they put a protective detail on her? Why did he leave?

Carisi looked up in time to see Lieutenant Olivia Benson walk through the door.

“Carisi, what the hell happened?”

“The bastard raped her again,” Carisi clenched his hands into fists.

“Same M.O. as before?” Olivia took a seat next to him.

“No, he snuck in while she was asleep,” Carisi replied.

“Are we sure it’s the same guy?”

“Yeah, we’re sure. _She_ was sure.” Carisi said.

Olivia shook her head, “How’s she doing?”

“How do you think?” Carisi asked. He shook his head, not meaning to be short with his boss. “They’re doing another rape kit now.”

They were both quiet for a few minutes. Carisi still beating himself up on the inside. “We should have had a detail on her.” He said finally, standing to his feet he paced the floor in front of her.

“Carisi, I know what you’re thinking but this isn’t on you.” Olivia said.

“You’re right, it’s on all of us.” He said. “He’s been stalking her for god only knows how long. He sent her flowers just yesterday. A second attack? That should have occurred to us.” He shook his head, and looked down at the ground, “We should have protected her.”

Olivia tilted her head at him, narrowing her eyes, getting ready to ask him something when a sound came from behind them.

“Excuse me detectives,” a doctor suddenly appeared next to them. They turned to look at her in unison, “You can see her now.”

“Rape kit turn up anything?” Olivia asked as she stood to her feet.

The two cops followed the doctor down the hallway, “Vaginal trauma, abrasions all consistent with her story,” The doctor said.

Carisi felt his stomach churn.

“Any DNA?” Olivia asked.

“Actually, yes. we were able to collect a semen sample.” She stopped in front of Tru’s room.

Carisi felt relieved and sickened at the same time. He lifted his hand to knock on the door.

“That’s good news.” Olivia said encouragingly.

“Come in,” Tru’s voice was barely above a whisper.

Olivia walked in first, “Tru, I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through.”

Tru was sitting in the bed, the blanket pulled tightly around her. The redness around her neck had faded into brown and purple swirls in the shape of fingerprints. It made his stomach churn, more than the first time he saw her. Something was different this time. Was it that he knew her? That they were friends? Is that what they were? He knew it was more than that. He was starting to care for her, and he didn’t know what to make of that.

Tru lifted her hand to her head, rubbing her temple with her fingertips. “What happens now?” She asked.

Olivia took a seat in the chair next to the bed and Carisi stood on the other side of her bed, edging just a bit closer.

“He left DNA behind this time,” Olivia said, Tru looked from Sonny to Olivia, a little surprised and disgusted herself. “Hopefully we’ll get a match in our system.”

“That’s good, I guess.” Tru said, finally.

“So, you told detective Carisi that you woke up and your attacker was already on top of you?” Olivia asked, Tru nodded. “What happened next? Did he say anything to you?”

Tru took a deep breath, “He said _‘I’m the one for you…not him.’_ ”

“What do you think he meant by that?”

Tru threw a sideways glance at Carisi, Olivia narrowed her eyes on them again, seeing this Tru spoke up. “I don’t know. If he’s watching me maybe he has seen the detectives around a lot.”

“Have you felt like you’re being watched?” Olivia asked.

“I’ve been feeling a lot of things lately…I don’t know what’s a real threat and what I’m just perceiving as a threat.”

“That’s perfectly understandable.” Carisi said.

“Is there anything else you can tell us? Anything else he said? How did he smell? Did you see anything?” Olivia persisted.

“Lieu—” Carisi whispered.

Tru closed her eyes, rubbing her temples harder. “He smelled clean…like soap—old spice maybe. His voice was low and harsh—like he was angry at me.”

Her eyes stared into the distance, not focusing on anything. Her shoulders were rigid, her breathing still a little uneven.

Olivia motioned for Carisi to follow her outside the hospital room. He followed her into the hallway and shut the door.

“She’s traumatized,” Carisi said.

“I'm going to take the rape kit to the lab. Don’t let her out of your site,” Olivia said. “This guy is not gonna get near her again.”

Carisi led Tru to the hotel room they had reserved for her yet again. He carried her overnight bag in one hand and was bracing her with the other. The crime scene unit was done with her apartment but neither of them were comfortable with her going back there just yet. He swiped the card in the key slot on the door and pushed the door open. He stepped aside and let her in first, switching on the light behind her.

Tru took a seat on the edge of the bed, she looked absolutely defeated. Carisi walked over to the dresser in front of Tru and sat her bag down. He turned to face her and leaned against the dresser. He looked down at her, unsure of what to do or say.

“I’m not going to break,” she whispered. “You don’t have to walk on eggshells.”

Carisi nodded sympathetically, “Is there anything I can do?”

“I just really want to take a shower,” she said, heaving a big sigh. “You don’t have to stay.”

“Yeah, I do.” Carisi whispered, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Tru stood up, reaching for her bag, Carisi slid out of her way. She grabbed a couple things and disappeared into the bathroom.

He heard the water turn on, and then the metal clinks of the shower curtain pulling shut. He paced the floor to the hotel room. Going over the case notes in his head, trying to find a something, anything he hadn’t seen yet. Hoping for any kind of break. It was then a loud thud came from the bathroom. He rushed over to the door, ready to run in and make sure she was ok. Then he heard it again, and again, followed by a quiet scream, then a louder scream. Not a fearful scream, but one of frustration. That’s when he realized she was punching the shower wall.

He didn’t go in, instead he turned and leaned his back against the wall. He could still hear her pain. He couldn’t imagine how helpless she must feel. How used, how scared, how _powerless._ One last thud and an aggravated scream, and she was done. He heard her trying to catch her breath, and then she began to cry.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, thank you for being patient with me and waiting for this chapter. I just started a new job and it has been hard to find time to write. I know where I'm going for the next few chapters, so hopefully I can get those written and posted soon! This one was hard because I didn't want to jump right into more action, I needed to fill some space. Anyway please let me know what you think :)

Chapter 8

It was about 11 in the morning when Carisi finally decided to go down to the hotel lobby and grab some coffee. They hadn’t gotten in until about 4 am, it took another two hours for Tru to fall asleep. He didn’t mind the late night, but he needed some caffeine. He held the two coffees in one hand and maneuvered the key card with the other, he forgot to not let the door shut hard behind him.

At the sound of the loud thud Tru let out a small scream as she shot up in bed, she looked around quickly and then sighed in relief when she saw Carisi.

“I’m sorry,” Carisi said, coming towards her and extending her one of the coffees. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Its ok,” She glad took one of the cups and leaned against the headboard of the bed. “I’m a little on edge.”

“Of course,” Carisi took a seat on the other bed and sipped his coffee.

“I keep hearing his voice,” Tru took a sip from her cup, “The way he spoke…like he was disguising his voice….” She paused for a minute. “I don’t think he wanted me to recognize his voice.”

“So, you do know him?” Carisi asked, feeling hopeful.

Tru thought for a moment, “There was something familiar about him, but I just don’t know…”

“He has to be somebody in your daily life, he knows too much about you.” Carisi said.

“It’s hard to believe I know someone who could do such terrible things,” Tru said. She looked over at Carisi and their eyes locked.

Carisi cleared his throat, “Look, Tru,” he began the question he had been thinking about all night. “What he said to you…the _not him_ thing…do you think that was about…um…our kiss?”

Tru exhaled in uncertainty, “I don’t know…” she said quietly, she looked at him again, “It seemed like it.”

Carisi stood up, filled with guilt and shame, “Son of a bitch,” he muttered.

“I don’t know how he even knew,” Tru said.

“He’s watching you,” Carisi said, “He has to be, it’s the only explanation.”

Tru climbed out of the bed and walked across the room to the window, peering out it, “What am I supposed to do? Just quit my life?”

“No, quite the opposite, if he is following you maybe we can find him by following you too.” Carisi said.

Tru turned from the window and wrapped her arms around herself, “You think that could work?”

“Yeah, I do.”

She was silent for a moment, wrapping her arms even tighter around herself. A few tears slid down her cheeks. Carisi moved closer to her, “Hey,” he said gently. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” Tru leaned into him, burying her head in his chest. “I feel so stupid.”

“Stupid? Why?” He asked.

“Thinking I could defend myself, taking that sleeping pill,” Tru shook her head. “I’m powerless to stop him.”

Carisi pulled far enough away to look her in the eyes. “Don’t talk like that. This is not _your_ fault. The man’s a predator, and we are gonna catch him. I promise he will _never_ hurt you again.”

Tru’s big brown eyes stared up into his and he could see a peace wash over her, and he knew she felt safe. “I’m so scared.” She said as she leaned back into his embrace.

It was painful to see her like this. All he could do was embrace her and let the flood of her tears to soak through his shirt. He could feel her clench her fists, not knowing whether to be mad or to give up hope all together. He could hear her silent sobs, suffocating with each breath she took holding onto the last bit of self she had. He wrapped his arms around her even tighter to calm the silent war within her mind.

“It’s gonna be ok,” he whispered. “You’re gonna get through this. I promise.”

There was a knock at the door, and it broke through the moment. Tru pulled away and wiped the tears from her eyes. Carisi went to the door, leaning down to peer out the peep hole first; he saw Rollins standing on the other side.

“Hey, Rollins…what are you doing here?” Carisi asked pulling the door open.

“Liv told me to come and relieve you,” Rollins walked into the room and took a look at Tru. “How are you holding up?”

“Well it’s not my best day.” Tru replied.

Rollins nodded understandingly.

“I appreciate it, but I’m really ok, I don’t mind staying.” Carisi said, not wanting to leave.

“You’ve been up all night, go home, get some rest.” Rollins said.

Carisi looked at Tru and then to Rollins, he wanted to protest more but he didn’t want Rollins to get the wrong idea. _It would be the right idea, actually,_ Carisi thought.

“CSU is done with your apartment, I can take you home if you want.” Rollins said, turning her attention to Tru. “They were able to collect semen sample from the bed, they matched your rape kit but there were no hits in CODIS. Good news is once we have a suspect it will be easy to see if he’s a match.”

Tru nodded, not knowing what to say.

“Ok, well I will see you later,” Carisi said to both Tru and Rollins, he grabbed his coat and was out the door.

Tru was on Carisi’s mind as he drove home. She hadn’t left his mind since the moment they meant. His hands clutched the steering wheel so hard his knuckles had turned white. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Underneath the bruises from her attack was soft glowing olive skin. When she looked at him, he could see the pain in her eyes, underneath the surface lurked a world of tragedy that he had yet to unlock but they were still beautiful, bright, and filled with hope. Her smile when she got the chance to use it was subtle and coy. Not to mention that silky smooth brown hair. The way the curls always looked tousled and carefree, but in a good way. He found himself turning the opposite way of his apartment.

It wasn’t just her looks, she was strong and brave. Even with so much bad happening to her, even with everything she had been through she found a way to put on a brave face. It was hard not to develop feelings for her. He admired her from a far a couple times when she had worked on their other cases. A polite smile and hello were as far as they had gotten. Now he found himself growing closer to her. Wanting to protect her with every fiber of his being. He wanted to find the animal that was tormenting her and put it out of its misery, He wanted to hold her, and let her cry on his chest, he wanted to tell her everything would be ok and he would be there to protect her, but how could he? This was a very grey area. It was not only unethical but a relationship between the two of them could cause serious complications when they went to trial.

 _Why am I even thinking about all this?_ He asked himself as he turned at a green light. _A relationship?_ How stupid it was of him to think Tru could even think about him in that manner right now. She had just been assaulted twice in a matter of weeks, a relationship was the last thing she needed, and he wasn’t about to burden her with his feelings right now. He parked his car outside the tall stone building and climbed out, looking up at his church. All he could do was try to be there for her when she needed him. Tru was a strong, independent, capable young woman. She didn’t need him to rescue her. She wasn’t some damsel in distress. She didn’t need a knight in shining armor. She needed a friend. She needed a detective. She needed him to find the monster who raped her, and that’s just what he was going to do.

He walked into the church, all the way up to the first pew. He bent down on his left knee and pulled his rosery out of his pocket. He brought his hand to his forehead, then brought it down his chest, then to his left and right shoulders making his catholic cross; _in the name of the father, the son and holy spirit,_ he began to pray.

Tru locked the door behind detective Rollins. Her apartment was the last place she wanted to be right now but she didn’t know where else to go. She couldn’t keep staying in hotels and she didn’t have any family left. The friends she did have were more like acquaintances, she didn’t feel comfortable asking for a favor like that. She locked the deadbolt and the chain lock.

She looked around her apartment, it looked undisturbed. The crime scene unit didn’t make a mess like the thought they would have. Maybe they knew they weren’t going to find anything. That filled her with a different kind of dread. She slowly walked over to her bedroom, peering into the room and used to bring her so much comfort. A hole was cut out of the mattress, and they had collected her blankets. She felt a heaviness rising deep within her chest and she suddenly couldn’t breathe.

The blood pounded in her ears. Her heart thudded in her chest. Her hands shook. Her feet tingled. Her vision disfigured, as if she were looking through a fish-eye lens. She had to get away. She couldn’t stay near that damned room any longer. She couldn’t look at it. All she could see was that wretched man on top of her. Stripping her of every ounce of dignity she had left. Breathing was hard. Really hard. As if she’d just run the Boston Marathon. She cried harder, her chest growing tight as bile rose in her throat. She turned on her heel and sprinted from the room, from the apartment and found her way down to the street.

The fresh misty air hit her in the face, spewing oxygen into her lungs she felt relief for a moment. She took out her phone and opened her Uber app, requesting a ride for as soon as possible. It might have only taken a few minutes for the ride to get there, but it felt like forever. Every man that walked by she pictured that it was he who had attacked her. She must have looked paranoid, looking over her shoulder, looking every which way on a constant rotation. Then again, it being New York City it’s quite possible nobody noticed at all.

The black car pulled up and she climbed inside, rattling off an address to him without even thinking. She reached inside her purse and gripped the pepper spray tight. _Just in case._

“Hey, it’s you again,” the driver said.

She looked up and saw Carson. He was the one who usually gave her a ride home in the morning. He always wanted to chit chat, but she wasn’t in the mood for any of that right now. She gave him a polite smile and told him she had a headache. They rode the rest of the way in quiet.

Butterflies swarmed in her stomach as she climbed the stairs to the apartment building. She reached a shaking had and knocked on the door. The door in front of her opened, and relief swept over her as she saw Sonny. He narrowed his eyes, confused and concerned.

“Tru…” He started.

“I couldn’t stay there,” she said hurriedly as he let her inside. “I didn’t last five minutes after Detective Rollins left.”

“It’s okay, are you okay?” Carisi asked.

“I don’t know…I don’t know how to answer that right now…I just feel,” she stammered. It was getting harder to breath again, panic rising in her chest, that heaviness again.

“It’s okay, don’t worry,” he pulled her in for a hug again, “You’re safe here.”

She relaxed into him, feeling her panic fade away. Somehow, he had a way of quelling the storm inside her. His touch was the antidote for the other touch she couldn’t get off her mind. He managed to fight back her demons and calm her mind, her soul. And that’s when she realized she needed him.


	9. Chapter 9

****

**Chapter 9**

Sonny sat in a chair in the corner of his living room, next to him Tru was planted on the couch. She had a throw pillow on her lap, and she was gripping it for dear life. There was fire burning in the fireplace creating a beautiful amber glow in the room. Sonny couldn’t help but think how beautiful Tru looked in that moment; he was studying her, trying to decide how he should react to this situation. He was glad she had come over; he was glad she felt like she could turn to him, but now that she had, he wasn’t sure what to do or say.

“I’m sorry for barging in on you like this,” her voice was so quiet it barely broke the awkward silence between them.

“Don’t be,” Sonny said.

Tru spotted the rosary on the coffee table between them and picked it up, lacing the beads through her fingers. “Are you catholic?”

“I am,” he replied.

“Me too.”

“Really?” Carisi was intrigued even more now, “Do you still go to church?”

Tru took a moment to answer, like she was trying to decide what to say. “Not so much anymore.”

He nodded, not wanting to push. She kept the rosary in her hands, staring at it, deep in thought about something. He couldn’t help himself; his curiosity got the better of him. “You know Tru…you seem to live a lonely life.”

She looked up from the rosary, surprised by his statement.

“I mean you _work_ …and you _work out_ …you don’t party or go to clubs…or _church_ …” Carisi continued. “You’re a very beautiful woman, and you’re smart, too. You don’t have to go through life being cut off from everyone, but you seem to prefer it that way…it just makes me wonder why?”

“You think I’m lonely?” She asked.

“Don’t you?”

She sighed and looked away, “You’re a good detective. I’m sure by now you’ve uncovered the thing about my parents.”

“I have,” Carisi nodded.

“They fought all the time…she was always saying he was going to be the death of her,” Tru began, “and then he was. After they died…” her eyes glazed over and her voice trailed off, she hadn’t told this story in a while, it made Carisi feel special that she was sharing it with him. “The looks I got in school, the people talking behind my back, the whispers…I just crept inside myself…and I guess I stayed there.”

He reached over and took her hand in his, his voice was soft and genuine when he spoke and he made sure to look her in the eyes, “You can come out now.”

She didn’t move away when he touched her hand, she looked at him and smiled slightly. She bit her bottom lip and began to fidget with the rosary some more, “Carisi…” she was ready to ask him something but thought better of it and stopped.

“What is it?” He asked.

She took a deep breath, gathering her nerve again, “What is this?” She asked. “What’s going on between us?”

Carisi was surprised by her question, thrown off guard he didn’t know what to say. “You’ve been through a lot…I don’t want to put anything else on your plate.”

“I asked, remember?” Tru said, she put the pillow aside and leaned forward. He still had a hold of her hand, and he felt his grip tighten on it and hers did too.

“I…I think…” He trailed off, trying to gather up his nerve this time. He thought about making up some lame answer to her question; afraid to put any pressure on her. She shouldn’t have to acknowledge his feelings for her right now. But he pushed away all the negative energy and decided to just tell her, “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

She took a deep breath and looked down.

“You don’t have to say anything, “Carisi continued, “I don’t expect you for feel it back.”

Tru stood up, walking across the room to stand in front of the fireplace, staring into the fire, “Why does this have to happen now?”

Carisi stood to his feet and joined her by the fire. “What do you mean?”

She looked up at him, “You’re such a great guy! You’re sweet, and kind, and caring…and I’m….” she trailed off.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.” Carisi said, “I’m working your case…it’s inappropriate for me to feel this was about you…. the last thing you need right now is…is this…”

“I didn’t say I don’t feel it back…” Tru trailed off, “I just wish the circumstances were different.”

“Me too,” Carisi conceded.

“What do we do now?” Tru asked, taking a step closer, she looked up at him.

Carisi sighed, and reached for her hands again, “ _Now_ , I continue to work your case and when all this is over…if we still feel this way…we’ll decide what to do about it.”

“Okay,” Tru whispered.

“I’m just here for whatever you need, okay?” Carisi said. “I just want to help you.”

She looked down and one of her curls fell across her face, he took his hand and swopped the hair back, placing it behind her ear, she looked back up at him; her eyes staring into his. “I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

“It’s no one’s fault,” Tru said, “that’s what they keep telling me.”

Carisi found himself wanting to embrace her, to hold her and let her know everything would be ok. But just as quickly as the moment came, it was gone again and she pulled away.

“I should get going…I shouldn’t have come over like this anyway.”

Tru began to walk to the door and Carisi grabbed her hand and pulled it gently to stop her, “No, don’t go. Look you can stay here tonight. Take my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch…I don’t want you alone over there right now…”

Tru thought about it for a second, “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” Carisi said. He looked down at the floor, “I need to know you’re safe.”

“You can’t keep your eye on my every second,” She said.

“I can try.”

***

The next day Carisi sat at his desk, going through the case file, searching through any video footage they had; just trying to see something he hadn’t seen before.

Rollins stood up from her desk and grabbed her jacket, “Hey I’m gonna go get some lunch, want to join me?”

“No, thanks,” Carisi said.

“What are you doin’ there?” Rollins asked, looking down at the computer.

“I’m just going over this case,” Carisi said. “I’m hoping I missed something.”

“Find anything?” She asked.

“No, not yet.”

She narrowed her eyes on him, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Carisi lied. He was anything but fine. He had his rape victim hiding out at his house, he was beating himself up over this case and oh yeah, he had fallen in love with her too.

“Do you wanna talk about something?” Rollins asked.

Carisi shut the laptop in front of him and rubbed his temples, heaving a big sigh. “I just feel like it’s my fault.”

“How is it your fault?” Rollins asked, she took a seat in front of his desk.

“I promised her I would find this guy and I haven’t.” Carisi answered.

“You never promise them anything, something’s aren’t in our control,” Fin spoke up from his desk.

Carisi glared at him, “What?” He stood up and began to pace the floor.

“Come on man, we can only do our job. If we don’t have anything to go on then we don’t have anything to go on.” Fin said.

“Our job? That’s all this is to you? You don’t take any of it home?” Carisi asked.

“It’s not all on us,” Rollins said, “Some cases are just a lost cause.”

“Well this isn’t one of them.” Carisi snapped.

Rollins stood to meet him and put her hands on his shoulders, “Hey calm down, what’s going on with you?”

He couldn’t tell them, what would he even say? “It’s nothing,” Carisi shook his head and sat back down at the desk. “Sorry guys, I’m just getting a little worked up because we haven’t caught this guy yet.”

It wasn’t a lie; at least not completely, but he couldn’t tell them the whole story. He couldn’t tell them that he had fallen head over heels for this woman and that seeing her in pain was hurting him. That the thought of someone forcing their way inside her home and body was excruciating for him.

“Try not to be so hard on yourself, Carisi,” Fin said, “We’ll catch him. It’s just taking time.”

He didn’t want to think about this anymore. He wanted to get his mind on something else. So, he grabbed the pile of mail sitting on his desk and began to sort through it when he realized un unaddressed envelope. He opened it and pulled the contents from it.

There were two photographs and a piece of paper. The two pictures were of Carisi embracing Tru. Obviously taken in the hotel room she stayed at, it showcased Carisi’s arms wrapped tightly around Tru, who had her head buried in his chest. Carisi’s stomach lurched as he looked around to make sure nobody else had seen them. He stuffed them back into the envelope and pulled out the piece of paper. On it, scrawled in black marker were the words _Stay Away, She’s Mine._

He felt the rage bubbling up inside him and he was filled with anger. He couldn’t take this anymore. _She’s not yours!!_ He thought as he slammed the piece of paper back into the envelope. Who the hell was this guy and how was he doing all of this? And how did he even get those pictures? All of this was getting out of hand.

Olivia entered the quad room and walked over to Carisi’s desk, “Call Tru in for a line up, someone came forward with a match for the sketch, he’s on his way down here with a lawyer right now.”

Carisi’s heart skipped a beat as he was suddenly filled with hope. “Who is he?”

“His name is Donnie Crane,” Olivia said. “Apparently they frequent the same coffee shop, he was also spotted at the flower shop the other day when Tru was sent the flowers.”

“That’s great news, I’ll get her down here.” Carisi said.

****

Tru walked into the squad room, her heart thudded in her chest, her hands shook, her mouth and throat suddenly went dry and she felt the nausea rising from her stomach. She wasn’t sure how she would do this, how she could face this. Carisi arose from his desk when he saw her.

“Hey, come on in here,” he led her to a door at the back of the squad room.

She stood in front of the big glass window, Carisi stood next to her. “So, how this works is we’re gonna bring in five guys. We’ll have them say something to you and you can tell us if you recognize any of them as the man who raped you.”

“They can’t see me though, right?” She asked, suddenly feeling underdressed, she pulled her purple cardigan closed in the middle.

“No, they wont be able to see you.” Carisi assured her, he stood closer to her and whispered, “Don’t be nervous, it’s all gonna be okay.”

Olivia walked in behind them, along with another man in a suit whom Tru assumed was a lawyer, Olivia shut the door behind them; she looked at them with question for a split second and Carisi stepped back a little bit.

“Good afternoon, Tru, how are you doing today?” Olivia asked.

“I’ve been better,” Tru replied.

“Of course,” Olivia placed her hand on a button on the wall and looked at Tru again, “Are you ready to start?”

Tru nodded.

Olivia applied pressure to the button and spoke into the speaker, “Bring ‘em in!”

One by one men walked into the room, each one looking similar but slightly different. They turned to face the glass and stood under there assigned numbers. “Number one, step forward and say, ‘You’re too good to be Tru,” Olivia spoke into the speaker again.

The man stepped forward and complied. The words made her skin crawl and the nauseated feeling grew stronger; _it wasn’t him_. She shook her head no. Olivia proceeded to tell each one to step forward and repeat the phrase. Tru grew more and more queasy with each time she had to say _no that’s not him._

The last man stepped forward, “You’re too good to be Tru.”

“He’s not here,” Tru’s voice broke when she spoke the words, and she wasn’t sure if she was relieved or devastated.

“Are you sure?” Olivia asked.

“I’m sure,” Tru replied.

“If that’s all, my client and I will be going now,” the lawyer spoke up.

Olivia opened the door and she and the lawyer left, leaving Tru and Carisi in the room together.

The nausea clawed at her throat, and she tried to force it down, but it was too late. She ran to the small metal trash can in the corner of the room and lurched forward and sunk to her knees. Vomit spewed out of her coughing, choking mouth. Her stomach kept on contracting violently and forcing everything up and out. Carisi ran to her side, pulling her hair back out of her way and placed his hand on her back. Her face was white, tears streamed down her face as she gasped for air. The pungent stench invaded her nostrils and she heaved even though there was nothing left to go.

Carisi pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped the sweat from her forehead, he handed it to her. “Are you okay?”

Tru took a deep breath, trying to regain her composure. She felt Carisi’s hand gently stroking her back and it brought her comfort, she rolled off her knees and sat down, leaning against the wall where just moments before a piece of glass was all that separated her from what could have been her rapist. Carisi crouched down in front of her and pushed a few loose strands of hair back out of her face. “It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay.”

“No it’s not,” Tru cried, “He wasn’t there, you guys are never gonna find him.”

“We will, I promise you we will.” Carisi whispered as he took her hand in his again.

“Carisi, my office, now,” Olivia’s angry voice boomed from behind them. He turned around, not sure when she had come in or how much she had heard. “Tru, detective Rollins’ will see to it that you get home.”

Carisi and Tru exchanged worried glances before he rose to his feet. He extended his hand to her to help her off the ground as well and watched as she walked out of the room. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and took a deep breath, bracing himself from whatever was about to happen as he walked into his boss’ office.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

“What the hell was that?” Olivia demanded once the door was safely shut to her office. Her voice was angry and intense, like she was scalding a child for playing with matches. Carisi turned and looked at her.  
“I think she just got a little overwhelmed that her rapist wasn’t in there and it caused a visceral reaction,” Carisi said.  
“You know damned well that’s not what I’m talking about.” Oliva said. “I’m talking about you huddled in the corner with our rape victim, caressing the hair away from her face, looking into her eyes like a love sick puppy…and oh yeah, these,” she held up the pictures and note he had received earlier in the day.  
“You went through my desk?” Carisi ordered.   
“I was looking for the case notes to question the suspect.” Olivia said, “And that is not the point.” She held up the pictures again, “I’ve heard chatter that you’re getting too involved in this case and now I know why. You’ve got the hots for our vic.”  
“Okay, would you stop calling her the victim, she has a name.” Carisi snapped. Olivia raised her eyebrows at him like he had just proved her point, he threw his hands up. “What do you want me to say?”  
“Have you slept with her?” There was that scalding tone again.   
“What?” Carisi exclaimed, he couldn’t believe the question she had just asked him. “Of course not!”  
“Then just tell me what the hell is going on,” Olivia’s toned softened a little.   
Carisi took a seat on the chair and brought his hands to cover his face. “I’m in love with her, okay?”  
Olivia scoffed in disbelief, “You’re kidding me, right?”  
“Those pictures aren’t what they look like. I was comforting her, that’s all…she had just been raped, again!” Carisi exclaimed again, “The last thing on either of our minds was sex. I care about her, okay, I do, and I can’t help it.” His breathing was heavier as he was trying to push his emotions down.  
“Carisi,” Olivia’s voice was softer again, “You know as well as I do that you could have jeopardized our entire case. A defense attorney gets a hold of these, and he will, he has the grounds to say you have a vendetta towards him and are setting him up, tampered evidence, misconduct, shall I go on?”  
“I know I screwed up, I’m sorry.” Carisi admitted. “But I can’t help how I feel.”  
Olivia rested her hands on her desk and narrowed her eyes on him, “Ok…either you stop what ever budding romance you have with Tru or—” Carisi looked over at her and made eye contact. “Or you’re off the case.”  
He quickly rose to his feet to protest, “You can’t take me off the case, Rollins and Fin think this case is a lost cause! I’m the only one that cares about this case.”  
“That is not true, but you do have another option, you have to stop what ever this is, at least until the case is over.” Olivia said.   
Carisi looked away, anger and rage fuming inside him. He didn’t answer her ultimatum, instead he jerked open the office door and walked out straight into Rollins.   
“Everything okay?” She asked, but she had a tone that let him know she knew what was going on.   
“Lieu is pissed,” Carisi said.   
“I can’t blame her, you made that bed you can lie in it.” Rollins said.   
“Excuse me?” Carisi turned around to face her.   
“Look just forget it,” Rollins through her hands up.   
“No, you started that thought you can finish it.” Carisi ordered.   
“What did you think was gonna happen—”   
“Not you too,” Carisi interrupted her, “I’m just trying to do my job.”  
“Oh your job, really?” Rollins’ voice was growing even louder, “Cuz it seems like you’re more worried about her.”  
“Are you kidding me right now?” Carisi said, “She was raped twice by a man who is tormenting her of course I’m worried I’m worried about her.”  
“It’s more than that. You put our whole case in danger, not to mention your career, your reputation…your pension.” Rollins said, “You’re risking it all.”  
Carisi couldn’t take it anymore, all the feelings he had been wrestling with boiled over. Tru was a good person and he had feelings for her, so what? What was the big deal? He had tried not to cross the line, and all he had done was give her one kiss. He stepped in closer to Rollins and looked her dead in the eye, “You know what?” He said, “She’s worth the risk!”  
****  
Carisi sat in his vehicle outside of Tru’s apartment building. He sighed and leaned his head back against the headrest. He was kicking himself for what had happened back at the precinct. A knock on the window broke through his thoughts and he looked over, seeing Fin crouched down looking through the glass.   
“Got room in there for one more,” Fin asked.  
“Help yourself,” Carisi said, unlocking the door. Fin climbed in.  
“I thought I might find you here,” Fin said.   
“So I take it you heard all that at the precinct?”  
“Voices did carry,” Fin replied.  
“You here to let me have it to?” Carisi asked.   
“You know better than that,” Fin said. “I just wanted make sure you were okay.”  
“I don’t know,” Carisi sighed again.   
“Look man, we can’t help who we develop feelings for.” Fin began, “But Liv and Amanda are right, right now is not a good time to get involved.”  
“I never intended to get involved at all.” Carisi explained, “I just find myself wanting to protect her.”  
“I get that….and you’re one of the smartest guys I know…just use your head.” Fin said, Carisi nodded.  
There was an awkward moment of silence between the two and then Fin spoke up again.   
“So why aren’t you inside?” Fin asked.   
“She’s not even home right now,” Carisi said, “I’m just keeping an eye on the place…can’t be too careful.”  
Fin eyed him suspiciously but didn’t say anything, instead he watched with him. It wasn’t long before a black sedan pulled up outside the building and Tru climbed out of the backseat. Carisi narrowed his eyes on the man in the driver seat.  
“Hey Fin,” Carisi said pulling his phone out of his pocket and swiping his fingers across the screen until he found what he was looking for, “You recognize that Uber driver?”  
Fin took a closer look, “No, should I?”  
Carisi held up his phone that showed the picture he had taken of Tru’s yearbook while they were at the Connor household. “He went to high school with Tru.”  
“Huh,” Fin mulled it over, “Coincidence?”  
“I don’t think so,” Carisi turned the ignition and did a U turn to follow the Uber.  
“I’ll call Liv,” Fin said reaching for his phone.   
The detectives followed the Uber car to its next stop, Carisi wched as the driver climbed out of his car and walked into the bodega. He stood about six feet tall, slender build and he had dark curly hair. Carisi knew in his gut that this was the man who had raped Tru.   
“Copy that,” Fin said as he hung up his cell phone. He turned to his partner and said “Liv said to try to get him to come down to the station willingly….” He trailed off.  
“And?” Carisi asked, sensing there was more.  
“And she wants you to stay in the car.”  
“To hell with that,” Carisi said.   
“That’s what I thought,” Fin said, “Don’t worry, I’ll cover for ya, but Carisi…”  
Carisi turned to look at him.  
“Don’t mess this up,” Fin said.   
Fin and Carisi got out of their car and walked up to the Uber driver. The driver turned to look at them and for a split second Carisi thought he saw a flash of recognition across his face. Fin pulled out his badge and began to speak, “Excuse me, I’m detective Tutuola, this is Detective Carisi, we’d like to ask you a couple questions.”   
“Sure, detectives, What can I do for you?” The man asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.   
“For starters, what’s your name?”  
“Carson,” he replied, “Carson Goldberg.”  
“Would you mind coming down to the station and answering a few questions for us?”  
He looked uneasy, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “What’s this about?”  
Fin and Carisi looked at each other, “We’re investigating a rape.”  
Carson’s eyes widened, “You think I raped somebody?”  
“Should we?” Carisi asked, Fin shot him a dirty look.  
“We don’t have a suspect yet, we’re just questioning people in her life and we just saw that you drive her Uber…Tru Joran?” Fin said.  
“Oh, so that’s what happened to her.” Carson said, Carisi narrowed his eyes on the man and he went on, “I just noticed she’s been looking a little beat up lately.”  
Carisi’s stomach churned, he couldn’t take much more of this. This was the guy he could feel it in his soul. “So what do you say Mr. Goldberg, will you come down to the station with us?”  
“Of course, anything I can do to help.” Carson said.   
Since he was coming down to the precinct willingly he got back into his car to drive himself down there, and Fin and Carisi got into theirs and followed him. Carisi couldn’t wait to get this man into an interrogation room and question him.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Carisi paced back and forth in front of the one-way mirror between the interrogation room and himself. Fin and Amanda were in the room with Carson Goldberg and Carisi was forced to watch from the other side of the glass. They were still playing it cool, gathering information, not really getting to the part where he was a suspect.

Olivia stood next to him, one hand leaned against the wall. “Calm down, Carisi.”

He stopped his pacing and looked down at her, “I want in there,” he said. “This isn’t right, I’ve been running point on this case for weeks and now you wanna bench me?”

“You know why,” Olivia said softly.

Carisi turned on his heel and began to pace again, inside the room they could hear the conversation between Goldberg, Fin and Amanda.

“How long have you know Tru?” Amanda asked.

“A couple years,” Goldberg replied.

Carisi shook his head, _lie_ he thought.

“And how did you meet her?” Fin asked.

“I drive her Uber…” Goldberg said flatly.

 _Another lie,_ Carisi thought.

“Have you noticed anyone hanging around her?” Fin asked, “Maybe you saw someone when you dropped her off?”

“When I’m at work I kind of have tunnel vision.” Goldberg said. “I didn’t notice anything. But I am a gentleman, at night I always watch to make sure she gets into her building safely.”

 _Yeah, real gentleman_ Carisi thought.

Amanda tilted her head, trying her charm on him. “Have you ever tried to see her outside of work?”

“You mean have I ever tried to date her?” Goldberg asked, “No, I wouldn’t mix business with pleasure like that.”

Amanda nodded, “Can you tell us where you were on September 20th at 5:30 in the morning?”

The man ran his hands through his curly locks, “I really don’t remember. I’m all over the city…all day long…but my logbook should be able to tell you.”

“See that’s what we thought too, but it shows you dropping off a fair at around 4:45 and then nothing else until almost 7 am.” Fin said. “Can you tell us why there is such a gap?”

“I must have stopped and got some breakfast.” Goldberg replied.

“Can you tell us where?” Amanda asked.

“No,” he shook his head, “I can’t even remember where I ate at yesterday…let alone a month ago.”

Back on the other side of the glass Carisi pleaded with his boss to let him question the suspect. “Please, lieu, I promise I won’t screw this up.”

Olivia shook her head but didn’t say anything. He could tell he was wearing her down.

“Where’s that other cop? The one that was with you when you stopped me?” Goldberg asked.

“See, liv, he want’s me in there.” Carisi said, “He’s not gonna talk to any of them.”

Oliva turned to look at Carisi, “You have one shot,” she said. “Don’t mess this up.”

Carisi nodded as he opened the door to the interrogation room and stepped inside it. “I’m right here,” Carisi said. “Rollins you can go.”

“Carisi—”

There was a coy smile that spread across Carson’s lips, and as quickly as it came it was gone, making Carisi wonder if he imagined it.

“You know I was thinking,” Carisi said as he took a seat across from the suspect. “Nobody ever notices the drivers, do they?”

Carson straightened his shoulders, “What do you mean?”

“I mean you guys pick us up—all hours of the day and night—from God knows where, where we have been doing God knows what and yet we couldn’t pick you guys out of a line up.”

“What’s your point?” Goldberg asked, he clenched his jaw.

“It must get old being so invisible.” Carisi continued. “Did Tru make you feel invisible?”

“No.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Then how come you didn’t mention that you went to high school with her?” Carisi pulled out his phone and opened the picture, zooming in on Goldberg in the background, you could still see Tru, smiling beautifully and behind her Goldberg was lurking. Carson picked it up and studied it.

“I didn’t even remember this.” He said.

“Sure, ya did.” Carisi said with a smirk, “Here’s what I’m thinking…Tru, all grown up and pretty, gets into your cab and you recognize her right away, but she doesn’t recognize you. She never did pay much attention to you after all, did she? So, it sets you off, you begin to stalk her, which is easy, since she shared her location information with the ride app. Then you just couldn’t take it anymore, so you followed her home one morning and brutally raped her.”

“That’s crazy,” Carson said, laying the phone down on the table.

“But that wasn’t enough, you didn’t break her the way you wanted to so you broke in to her apartment in the middle of the night and raped her a second time, only this time you left your calling card behind.”

“Is that so?” Carson asked.

“Yeah, that’s so.” Carisi smirked. “I don’t understand that either because you were smart enough to wrap it the first time…what happened? Did you get _too_ excited?”

Across the table Carson gritted his teeth, obviously not appreciating the inuendo about his manhood.

“Hey, if my boy here is wrong just give us a DNA sample and we’ll clear this whole mess up.” Fin said.

Carson Goldberg scoffed in amusement, “You know, I’ve indulged you guys this long because I want to help find whoever did this to Tru, but you’re gonna need a warrant to get my DNA. I know my rights, now I want a lawyer.”

Carisi clenched his jaw as anger crept through his veins. He was bound by law now to not question him any further. As a lawyer he understood that concept, as a cop he hated the technicality. He looked at Fin who looked just as disappointed. Carisi nodded and he stood up to leave, Fin also stood up and headed for the door. He couldn’t take it anymore and once he saw Fin go out the door he turned around and rested his palms on the table, leaning in close.

“I know your good for this.” Carisi said, his voice low and determined, “And I’m gonna prove it.”

Carisi turned back around and headed to the door when he heard Goldberg’s voice speak up behind him. “You know she’s not yours, detective, right?” He said.

The words made his blood run cold as he remembered the words on the picture and the letter he had received, **_She’s Mine._** He turned back around and narrowed his eyes on the cocky suspect still seated at the table, a sly, sneaky, you-can’t-catch-me-grin crossed his face. Carisi shoved his hands in his pockets—to keep from pummeling the guy.

“You think she’s yours?” Carisi asked, raising an eyebrow.

Goldberg stood from the table and walked towards him, “I would never say such a thing.”

Carisi nodded, “Right, because you know if you did we’d have you?”

Goldberg leaned in close and in a harsh whisper he said, “Arrest me or let me go.”

“You’re free to go Mr. Goldberg,” Olivia said, appearing in the doorway.

Goldberg smirked and walked out, thanking Olivia on his way out, Carisi followed and met the other detectives in the squad room.

“Lieu, there has to be something we can do.” Carisi said.

“Carisi all we have is a high school year book photo.” Olivia said.

“That proves that he knew her, and he didn’t mention their connection when she got into his cab.” Carisi said.

“That’s not against the law,” Olivia said. “I have pretended not to recognize a lot of people I went to high school with.”

“What about a line up,” Fin chimed in.

“It wouldn’t do any good, they know each other. A lawyer could argue that she recognizes him in a line up because she knows he’s her driver…” Rollins had her hands behind her head, leaned back in her chair and she was swiveling it from side to side. 

“You heard that stuff right, about the she’s not mine??” Carisi asked.

“I did,” Olivia nodded, “Again…not any admission to a criminal act…it was just a question.”

“This is bull, that is the guy. I feel it in my gut and my gut is never wrong!” Carisi said.

“Look, Carisi, go home…or go see Tru—see if you can feel her out about Goldberg.” Olivia sighed, “I know it doesn’t feel like it…but we did make some progress today.”

“Fin and Rollins, go talk to Stone and fill him in. See if he thinks we have enough for a warrant for his DNA.” Olivia turned her attention back to Carisi, “Carisi, I think is something Tru needs to hear from you…but be smart okay?”

****

Carisi rose a shaking hand to knock on Tru's door. The adrenaline from finding her attacker had subsided and he was left with the aftermath. Shaking hands, clammy palms, racing thoughts and of course the torment that they couldn't arrest him yet.

The door swung open and Tru stood on the other side. He expected to find her with puffy eyes and running make up from the conflict this morning, but amazingly enough she looked put together. One of the many great things about her. She always seemed to have a brave face, although she had let Carisi see beyond it at times, she let him see the pain inside.

She took in the site of him: the clenched jaw, the trembling hands, the furrowed brow. Her eyes focused in concern. "What's wrong?" She asked as she stepped aside to let him in. "Was it bad?"

He narrowed his eyes in confusion, and then he remembered that he hadn't seen or spoken to her since Benson had walked in on him comforting her and demanded to talk to him alone.

"Oh that, don't worry about that," He said, he ran a hand through his hair. He wasn’t sure how to go about telling her this, on one hand he wanted to tell her he knew it was the guy, on the other hand he didn't want to influence her identification of him.

"Sonny, what's wrong?" Tru asked, stepping in closer, her deep brown eyes stared into his.

"OK, here's the thing.. _.officially_ we brought someone in for questioning, but we didn’t have enough to hold him _yet."_ Carisi said. Her eyes lit up with questions, he held his hand up trying to show he wasn't finished. "The thing is it turns out you have a bit of a history with him..."

"A history?" Tru repeated.

"And _unofficially,_ I know in my gut that he is good for this."

Tru's eyes lit up again and she heaved a sigh of relief.

Carisi stepped in closer and brought his hand up to her face, brushing her hair back behind her ears, his voice came out a soft, sensual whisper "I promise, I will never let him hurt you again.''

She buried her head into his chest and wrapped her arms around his torso. He took in the scent of her, like warm Pumpkin spice maybe, he wasn’t sure, but he was certain it’s what heaven smelled like. He kissed her on top of the head and let his lips linger a moment.

After a minute Tru pulled back and looked back up at Carisi. "So, who is it?"

Carisi took a deep breath, "I need you to tell me everything you know about your Uber driver.'


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Tru and Carisi sat at the kitchen island in her apartment. Her high school yearbook was opened in front of them, and she had run her hands through her hair and now they rested, gripping the back of her neck. She stared at the picture of Carson open in front of them.   
“I can’t believe I didn’t remember him,” Tru said quietly.   
“It only takes a little thing to set these guys off.” Carisi offered.   
Tru bit her bottom lip, “What did he say?”  
“He asked if I thought you were mine.” Carisi said.   
Tru stared at him for a minute, “Like the pictures said…she’s mine.”   
Carisi nodded, “And this,” he pulled the two pictures of himself hugging her and the piece of paper that said once again, she’s mine. Tru gazed at them in disbelief. “I received them early this morning.”   
“How did he—”  
“I don’t know.” Carisi shook his head.  
Tru was silent for a few minutes, mulling over something in her mind. She sighed heavily finally and said, “Maybe I should just leave town.”  
Carisi narrowed his eyes on her, “You want to run away?”  
“Do you blame me?” She asked.   
Carisi shook his head, “No but if you run you’re letting him win,” Sonny leaned forward, looking into her eyes, making sure she heard the words he was saying. “I promise you my team will bring this guy down.”  
Tru nodded as she ran her hands through her hair, “Speaking of your team…” She trailed off for a minute, “Did you get in a lot of trouble with your boss?”  
Sonny smiled at her, “Nothing I can’t handle.” Carisi replied. He looked her over and couldn’t help but notice how tired she looked. Her eyes wore the dark bags of being kept awake at night, tossing and turning, worrying. Her shoulders drooped forward with the weight of the world on them. “You should get some rest.”  
“I can’t.” She said simply. He didn’t ask why, he knew why. She was afraid of him.   
Carisi stood up and gently grabbed her by the shoulders, leading her to the sofa. She was tired she just left him, he sat her down and leaned down in front of her, “You need to rest, even if it’s just for a couple hours. I won’t let anything happen to you.”   
He grabbed the soft, green through blanket from the back of the sofa and draped it over her. “Can you turn the t.v on?” She asked. “I can’t just lay here and listen to my thoughts…it drives me crazy.”   
“Sure,” he picked up the remote and turned the television to a late-night sitcom. He moved around the living room, dimming the lights, and pulling the curtains closed. He made sure the door was locked, and he noticed she had added two deadbolts and a chain lock to the door. He shook his head, wishing he could help make her feel safe. Hoping he did make her feel safe.   
He took a seat in the oversized chair adjacent to the couch, and crossed one leg over the other, leaning his arm against the arm of the chair he rubbed his temple, staring at the woman he had grown so close to. He found himself thinking about how beautiful she was, how strong she was. She was trying so hard not to let this animal bring her down, she refused to let him darken her light and that made Caris fall even harder for her.   
Before he knew it his own tiredness set in. His eyes were heavy and harder and harder to keep open. He felt his muscles relaxing into the chair as he began to fall asleep too.  
****  
Carson Goldberg walked into his apartment and slammed the door angrily behind him. The arrogance of that cop was getting to him. The cop thought he had him between a rock and a hard place but he didn’t. He didn’t know anything yet. He shrugged off his jean jacket and threw it onto the chair as he walked over to his computer screens. The live video feed from Tru’s apartment was already pulled up. Carson sat down in front of it, grabbing the bottle of liquor that he kept next to it his filled his glass and took a big, long drink feeling it burn down his throat.   
He scanned the screens trying to see what was going on. Tru laid sleeping on the couch, with a blanket pulled all around her. Her hair fell against her face. He remembered her hair, and the smell of it filling his nostrils when he was on top of her. He must have smelled every shampoo bottle in the drugstore trying to find the brand she used until all the smells blended and he wasn’t able to find it.   
Something caught his eye from the corner of the frame, almost out of sight. An arm moving maybe. With only the light from the television on in her apartment it was hard for him to see. He squinted closer, wishing he had put a camera at that angle. He could make out the silhouette of a man and he didn’t have to see him to know who he was.   
“Are you fucking kidding me?” He exclaimed out loud.  
He poured himself another drink and downed it. “What do I have to do to get rid of this guy?” He said, again to himself. He had already exposed their “relationship,” to his boss and coworkers, and got him reprimanded. He had sent countless messages and threats. Both Tru and the detective should know better by now. He would have to up the game. Send them a message neither one of them could ignore. He would show them once and for all. She belonged to him.   
****  
Carisi was awaken by a sound in the dead of night, not even realizing he had fallen asleep. He blinked his eyes, trying to fend off the grogginess and comprehend what was going on. Was something wrong? He heard it again, a whimper. He sat up, remembering he was at Tru’s and he was supposed to be keeping watch over her. He looked over at her and she was still laying on the couch, the blanket had been kicked off and she was struggling in her sleep. She cried out again. Carisi rushed over to her, lightly shaking her shoulder.   
“Tru,” he said, “Tru wake up.”  
She let out a blood curdling scream when he touched her and jerked away from him backing up against the back of the couch as far as she could. She kicked her feet at him, her eyes springing open and her arms instinctively pushing him away.  
“Hey, Tru, Tru! It’s just me!” Carisi said, having to speak louder and louder. “Hey it’s Sonny!”  
Tru stopped when she heard his voice and he clicked on the lamp next to the sofa. “It’s just me, you were having a bad dream.”  
Tru stared at him, out of breath, her curly hair as wild and crazy as her actions had just been. She started to speak, “Sonny---I---I’m…”  
“It’s okay,” He said.   
Her hand flew to her mouth, “I think I’m gonna be sick.” She exclaimed as she jumped to her feet and ran to the bathroom. He heard her retching from the other room. He remembered her getting sick the other day also, having to puke after the lineup. She walked back into the room, pulling her hair off her neck into a high bun. Her skin looked pale and glistened with sweat. A sickening thought crossed his mind. He remembered how they were able to get DNA from the second attack…because he didn’t wear a condom.  
“Tru…” He said uncertainly, not sure if he wanted to open this can of worms.   
“Yeah?” She asked distractedly as she walked across the room, she was reaching for her glass of water.  
He tried to find the right words, but it didn’t matter, there wasn’t a right way to say this. “You don’t think you’re…. pregnant…. Do you?”  
She stopped dead in her tracks and looked at him, eyes wide with fear and confusion. “What?” She exclaimed. “Of course not!”  
“Are you sure?” He asked.   
He could see the panic rising in her chest, “They gave me that morning after pill both times…”   
“But still those are only 75% effective.” He said.  
She raced across the room to the calendar hanging on the wall and began to count days, doing the math. After a minute she said, “It’s barely late…”  
“You should go see your doctor,” Carisi insisted.   
“No, no, no I can’t deal with that right now,” she said as she took a seat at the bar. She buried her head in her hands.   
“Ok then, um…” Carisi walked around to the other side so he was looking at her. “Do you want me to get one of those home tests?”  
She looked up at him, surprised, “You would do that?”  
“Of course,” he replied. He slid into his jacket and headed for the door, not caring that it was 4 o’clock in the morning, there was a store open somewhere and this needed resolved right away.   
He pulled open the door and started to walk out it when something caught his eye on the floor. He looked down and saw a medium sized, bright red box. “What is this?” He asked, bending down he wrapped his coat around it when he picked it up careful to not leave any fingerprints on it.  
“What is what?” Tru asked, turning her head to see what he was talking about. He set the box down in front of her on the bar. “What is that?” She asked wearily.  
“We’re about to find out,” Carisi said as he carefully removed the lid. They let out a gasp in unison when they saw what was inside. Tru jumped back off her chair and her hand flew over her mouth in surprise.   
“Oh my god.”  
Carisi stared down at the box and the contents inside---two dead birds. One was a bright yellow, the other one blue, both laid out on their back with their wings spread open touching each other. There was a dark red line of blood right down the center of their little chests and stick pins stuck in them. “Bastard.”  
Carisi’s fists clenched on the counter so hard his knuckles had turned white. After the initial shock, Tru came closer, slowly peering into the box once more, she could only bring herself to look for a second.   
“These are love birds,” she said, looking at Carisi. “This is about me and you.”  
He looked at her, wanting to protect her with every fiber in his being. A deep, dark sense of impeding doom rose from within him. The stakes were being raised. He could feel it in his gut. He got the message loud and clear. Good one Goldberg, he thought, but I’m still not going anywhere.


	13. Chapter 13

****

**Chapter 13**

Carisi carried the box of the two dead birds into the precinct once he knew Olivia and the others would be there. Amanda was sitting at her desk and when she noticed him walking towards her she stood up.  
“Carisi, everything okay?” She asked.  
“No,” Carisi set the box down on her desk. “This was at Tru’s doorstep in the middle of the night.”  
He opened the box, revealing the dead animals inside. She gasped, “Good lord,” she exclaimed.  
“Yeah, pretty messed up.” Carisi said.  
“Did she call you this morning with this?” Amanda asked, looking at her watch, it was barely 8 in the morning. Carisi cocked his head to the side, not really wanting to answer the question or admit that he had spent another night with their ‘victim’. “Never mind, I don’t want to know.”  
“Can you find out who sent this?” Carisi asked.  
“I can try, what are you gonna do?” Amanda asked.  
“Tru’s out in the car,” Carisi said, “We have an errand to run…I didn’t want to leave her alone.”  
“We?” She repeated, raising an eyebrow in skepticism. “So, you’re a we now?”  
“Come on, do we have to do this?” Carisi sighed, frustrated. He didn’t have the energy to fight with her, or fight his feelings for Tru, or hide his feelings for her for that matter.  
“I just mean, do you really think that’s a good idea?”  
“Rollins—”  
“Look whoever did this wants her to suffer, that makes you a target.”  
“No one’s coming after me,” Carisi said.  
“Are you sure?” Amanda said, she held up the box, “I mean these are two dead love birds.”  
“I’m not the one you need to be worried about right now.” He said defensively.  
“I’m just trying to help you.” Rollins said quietly, looking down at the box. He understood now, she was just worried about him.  
Carisi’s voice softened, “I know, if you want to help find out who sent that.”  
She conceded and pulled open her desk drawer, pulling out a big zip lock bag, she placed the box inside. “I’ll see what I can do.”  
“Thanks, Rollins,” Carisi patted her on the shoulder before he started out of the room.  
“What do you want me to tell Liv?” She hollered after him.  
“Tell her I’m taking the day off.” He yelled back.  
***

The only sound in the car on the way back from the drugstore, was that of the windshield wipers going full force on the windshield. Slicking the rain away. Carisi could tell she had a lot on her mind. He glanced over at her for a second before turning his attention back to the road. “Try not to worry.”  
Her gaze was fixed on the windshield, staring into the distance in almost a trance. “He wants me dead,” she said finally.  
“I’m not gonna let that happen.” Carisi reassured.  
She sighed in exasperation, “Could I really be pregnant? Could God hate me that much?!”  
“God doesn’t hate anybody, you know that.” Carisi said. “Try not worry until we know for sure, okay.”  
“What’s gonna happen now?” She asked.  
“They should be able to get a warrant for his DNA based on the evidence we have, and then we can arrest the son of a bitch.” Carisi said.  
“That’s not what I meant.” Tru looked down at the white paper bag that lay in her lap, Carisi glanced at her again, she meant between them. What would happen between them if she was pregnant with that evil man’s child.  
“Hey, don’t worry about that,” Carisi said softly, he took one hand off the wheel and pushed her hair back behind her ear, cupping her face and gently rubbing his thumb against her cheek bone. “We’ll figure it out okay.”  
Before Tru could answer his cell phone rang, he pulled his hand away and retrieved his phone from his pocket, “Carisi,” He answered, placing it on speaker phone to drive more safely.  
“Hey Carisi, it’s Rollins,” Amanda said on the other end of the line.  
“Rollins what’s up?” He asked.  
“We traced the birds back to a pet store in Brooklyn, Goldberg bought them with his credit card. Stone was able to get us a warrant but when we went to arrest him, he wasn’t there.” She was talking fast, “And there’s something else…”  
Carisi was confused, “What do you mean there’s something else.”  
Tru’s eyes narrowed in concern, and she leaned in as if to make sure she listened closer.  
“In his apartment he had—”  
Just then another vehicle slammed into them from the left, smashing into Carisi’s side of the car and sliding them across the road. Tru barely had time to scream before the air bags knocked her back and sideways. The car tumbled over and over into the central barrier before coming to an absolute stop. Carisi turned his head to look at right before his own air bag deployed, slamming his head into the seat and making his ears ring. He tasted the coppery blood as it pooled in his mouth. He heard the glass cracking, or was it his bones? Maybe both. He tried to suck in a breath but his lungs felt like they would cave in on themselves.  
They were stopped now, the rain pounded on the pavement all around them. “What happened?” He heard Tru say.  
“Carisi?!” Rollins was still on the phone which had been knocked into the floor. “Carisi what happened?!”  
He tried to bend down and snatch the phone, but he was pinned in place by the steering column. “Tru, are you okay?”  
“I think so,” she was grabbing her head as blood poured from a cut on it. She pushed the air bag aside and stretched to reach the phone in the floor, wincing as pain shot through her body. “Rollins’ we’ve been in an accident.”  
“Okay, where are you?” Rollins asked.  
“We’re on 45th street,” Tru said, “Sonny’s really hurt.”  
The passenger door flung open and Carisi watched helplessly as a man in a baseball cap reached for Tru. She began to scream and try to slap him away. Carisi’s ears rang harder, and his heart thudded in his chest as he watched helplessly.  
“Get your hands off her!” He yelled. “Tru!”  
“Sonny, help!” She screamed back, but a needle was pushed into her neck, Tru reached for Sonny’s hand and held it tight, seeping some of her own blood onto him. He felt her grip loosen and she began to slump over as the drug took its effect.  
“Carisi, what’s going on?” Rollins voice still echoed in the car. The attacker picked up the phone and tossed it into the street.  
“You son of a bitch, I will kill you do you hear me?” Sonny yelled at him as the man reached across Tru, taking his time across her chest region, and unbuckled her seatbelt. Carisi squinted harder, trying to identify Carson Goldberg, but it was hopeless, his vision was too blurry, the blood seeping into his eyes, the ringing in his ears was too distracting. He suddenly remembered the gun at his side and began to reach for it, then a punch landed across his face as he was out.  
****

Carisi sat on the back of ambulance, Rollins was next to him holding an ice pack on his neck. He looked across the wreckage that lay in front of them, with no trace of Tru. Olivia Benson appeared walked past the wrecked car and up to Carisi. He was covered in blood. He had a gash on the side of his head, and his lip was busted, he had dried blood around his nose, but it had already stopped bleeding.  
“Carisi, what happened?”  
“The—the car just came out of nowhere---it plowed into us…. I—I—I tried—” he stammered not able to form a sentence.  
“Who did it? Was it Goldberg?” Olivia asked.  
“I couldn’t tell,” Carisi said.  
Olivia looked around, “Where’s Tru?”  
“He—he took her, I tried---but I couldn’t—I couldn’t stop him.” Carisi said.  
Rollins rubbed his forearm trying to comfort him, but it was no use. He was useless. He had to watch powerlessly as the woman he loved was kidnapped right in front of him. Olivia stood up and pointed to the camera’s at the traffic lights. “I want you guys to pull all this footage.”  
“We’re already of it,” Fin said, appearing beside Olivia.  
“What were you trying to tell me?” Carisi asked, looking at Rollins. “Right before the accident you said you found something at Goldbergs.”  
The squad exchanged a glance between each other.  
“What is it?” Carisi asked.  
“He had a video monitor…” Fin started.  
“He must have hidden camera’s at Tru’s apartment…he’s been watching her---both of you.” Rollins finished.  
Carisi shot to his feet, a little too fsat because he fell back a step. “Im gonna kill him.” Carisi said. “I’m gonna kill him.”  
“Hey, hey, hey,” Olivia said in a hushed whisper, looking around to see if anybody heard what he said. “We didn’t hear that.”  
“We need to get him to the hospital,” The paramedic said from inside the bus.  
“No, I have to find Tru.” Carisi insisted.  
“And we will, but you’re no good to anybody if you’re bleeding internally.” Rollins said.  
“Just go, we’ll find her.” Olivia said.  
Carisi wanted to protest, but he knew she was right. “I’m not staying, I don’t care what they say.”  
He climbed into the back of the ambulance and the doors were shut behind him. The paramedic began to wipe the blood off him and apply a bandage to the side of his head. It should probably sting. His body felt tight and tense, but he wasn’t hurt. He couldn’t feel anything but the agony of his thoughts. Tru’s screams reverberated in his head, the sight of her being pulled away, and her hand falling from him was all he could think about as he silently vowed for vengeance.


	14. Chapter 14

****

**Chapter 14**

Tru slowly opened her eyes, the room she was in was spinning and her head felt like she had been hit with a sledgehammer. She blinked a couple more times, not understanding why she couldn’t bring her surroundings into focus. She felt so dizzy, her like there were cobwebs in her brain. She realized she was laying down on a bed and she tried to sit up, but it took her three tries before her body responded to her brain. She looked around, unsure of where she was and what had just happened. As she stood to her feet her legs buckled under her weight and she almost fell down, when she caught herself with her hands, she noticed the shackle around her wrist. Her heart lurched forward as she began to panic. She followed the chain to the wall and yanked on it as hard as her weak body would allow but it didn’t budge.

She looked around the room, it was dark and dank. There was only the bed and a door. The only light was a blue lightbulb in the ceiling, giving off some light, but it was mostly just dark. She opened her mouth to scream, but her voice was dry and scratchy. “Sonny,” she cried again but it was barely a hoarse whisper. That’s when she remembered the car accident. She remembered _him._ He took her.

“Somebody help!” She forced out as loud as she could.

She heard the door unlocking from the outside and then he stepped in and she came face to face with Carson Goldberg.

****

Carisi stormed into the squad room with clench fists, “Ok, where are we?” He asked, getting right to work.

“Carisi, are you sure you’re ok?” Olivia asked.

“I’ll be better when we find her.” Carisi replied.

They exchanged worried glaces again, and then Carisi gave them a glance of his own. One that said, _hurry the hell up._

“We haven’t been able to trace either of their phone,” Fin spoke up, “The last ping was leaving the sight of the accident. After that we figure he tossed the batteries.”

Carisi nodded, “Ok does he have any other property? Somewhere he could have taken her? Or anybody in his life that would know the answer to that question.”

“Not that we can tell,” Amanda said.

“So what their just in the wind?” Carisi asked, “I don’t accept that.”

“Of course not,” Olivia said, we’re working on property records and we have uni’s searching his apartment for any leads.

Something clicked in him, “I wanna see it.” He said.

“See what? The apartment?” Fin asked.

“Yes, I wanna see it.” Carisi demanded.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Amanda said with uncertainty.

“Good idea or not, I’m going.” Carisi said, and he turned on his heel to leave.

“Carisi wait,” Olivia called after him, he stopped and turned back around. “You shouldn’t be driving in your condition…Fin, take him to Goldberg’s…”

******

Tru stepped back as he took steps toward her, until she was backed against the wall. “Carson, what do you want. Why are you doing this to me.” She demanded. 

He brought his hand up to face and traced the outline of it with his fingers, making her tremble under his touch. “You know why I’m doing this.”

“No,” Tru scoffed, “I don’t!”

“I had to show you.” He said, he put his hand on the wall behind her and leaned in closer, just inches from her face now. She put her hands against his chest and pushed him back a couple inches. “Everything I’ve done, I’ve done because I love you.”

“Carson, you need to let me go.” Tru demanded. She tried to keep calm even though she was terrified on the inside. “Sonny is going to have the _whole_ police force searching for me.”

His face twisted in anger and he narrowed his eyes on her. “Sonny,” he said bitterly.

At first, she was afraid he was going to hit her, but instead he shoved himself away and paced the floor in front of her. “What is it with you two? What do I have to do to make him go away?”

Tru didn’t know what to say, or how to respond to that. She tried to think on her feet, “You could… you could let me go…he’d be out of your life forever.”

He cocked his head, “Nice try, but we still have a matter to deal with, an elephant in the room if you will.” He smirked arrogantly and pulled her pregnancy test out from the waist band of his jeans. “Well, it’s not as a big as an elephant.”

Her heart sunk, “Was that your plan all along?” She asked.

“Plan? No,” he said, “Welcomed surprise? Sure. I love the thought of us making a beautiful child together. Isn’t that great?”

Her heart raced as her cheeks flushed with anger. “I’m not taking that,” she said through a clenched jaw.

Her perseverance took him by surprise, he scowled at her. “ _What_?”

She crossed her arms in front of her chest and spoke slower, carefully emphasizing each word, “I’m not taking that test.”

He came closer, glaring at her, his voice was low and harsh and even though she didn’t want to let him know, it scared her. “Fine,” He ran his around the back of her neck and up through her hair, grabbing a handful of it and jerking her head back roughly, “But you’re not going anywhere. No one’s gonna save you.”

He pressed his lips against her hard and forced his tongue into her unwilling mouth. After a minute he let her go and left the room, she heard the clicking of the locks again and she knew she was trapped. She sunk onto the bed and leaned against the headboard, pulling the blanket around her. She tried to tell herself that it wasn’t helpless. Sonny would find her; it was just a matter of time.

*****

Fin led the way down the hallway to Goldberg’s door, it was taped off, officers swarming inside. Carisi bent over to crawl under the tape and winced at his broken ribs. He thought it would be better not to tell anyone just how bad he had been hurt. They would only want him to take it easy and he had to find Tru, there was no way to take it easy yet.

“Detectives, didn’t know you were coming back,” one of the uniform officers said when he saw them, “Whoa what happened to you?”

“Hey fella’s can you give us a minute?” Fin asked, nodding to the door for them to leave.

“Yeah sure,” the officer said, “Ok everybody take ten.”

Carisi looked around the apartment: it was kept in pretty decent shape, not filthy or dirty, but actually pretty clean for a single guy. The living room and kitchen were in the same room, separated by just an island bar like at Tru’s. From the outside everything looked normal.

“It’s through here,” Fin said, leading his way through a short hallway to where the bedrooms were.

Carisi followed him into the bedroom and stopped dead in his tracks when he entered the room. He couldn’t believe his eyes. His eyes went wide, taking in the scene and he felt uneasiness wash over him. There wasn’t just one monitor, there were several. Each one with four camera views of Tru’s apartment. Behind the computers were candid photos---stalker photos—plastured all over the wall. From one end to the other it was nothing but stills of Tru. Tru walking down the street, at work, at the gym, in her house, in bed, in the _shower_ , with Carisi.

“He’s been stalking her for months,” Carisi said.

“It looks that way,” Fin replied.

“Do these cameras have just a live feed, or do they record too?” Carisi asked.

“I’m not sure.”

Carisi sat down at the computer, instantly creeped out to be putting himself in Carson’s spot. He messed around on the computer for a couple minutes and typed in the date of the first attack, he found a file labeled with that date and opened it. It was footage from the first attack, he could see a masked person push Tru into her apartment, she fell to the ground almost instantly, there was a struggle for a few minutes and she tried to smash a glass vase over his head but in the end he won. Carisi balled his hand into a fist and hit the table, he couldn’t watch it anymore. He typed in the date of the 2nd attack and sure enough he found that video too. It was much different. He snuck in in the middle of the night and climbed into bed with her. Carisi looked away, furious. _Knowing_ it and _seeing_ it were two different things.

“Okay, TARU needs to take all this.” Carisi said.

“They’re on their way.” Fin said.

“There has to be something here, somewhere he could have taken her.”

They searched through Carson’s room, through all his drawers, through his bathroom looking at all the addresses on his prescription bottles, through the kitchen drawers and cabinets, through old mail, everything they tried came up empty.

His phone rang, and he quickly answered it hoping it was good news. “Yeah?” He answered.

“Carisi, it’s Rollins.” Amanda said on the other end of the line, “We got something. I’m gonna text you an address, meet us there.”

****

It felt like hours had passed, with no way to tell time it was hard to be sure. She was growing hungry, and more frightened. She wanted out of here. She wanted to be safe, safe in Sonny’s arms. She heard the locks clicking again and sat up straighter, fixing her glare on the door. Carson carried in a tray of food. From where she sat it looked like a bowl of chicken noodle soup, some crackers, and a glass of milk. _Really?_ She thought.

“I thought you might be hungry,” Carson offered.

She sat silently and didn’t respond or even look in his direction. This seemed to make him eager to please, like he couldn’t stand her mad at him.

“Look, I’m sorry about earlier.” He said, “You can take the test whenever you’re ready. We have all the time in the world.”

She glared at him, wanting him to know how unhappy the thought of having _all the time in the world_ with him made her.

“Don’t be like that.” Carson said, “Look, if I ever did something to hurt you, I’m sorry.”

“If?” She exclaimed, standing to her feet, the chain around her wrist clanked with her movement, “If?”

“I didn’t—” Carson started but she interrupted him.

“You know what you did to me!” Tru said through gritted teeth, her voice breaking with emotion.

He was taken back by this and he stared into her eyes, she stared back with disgust.

He looked down for a minute, almost ashamed of himself. “I’m not a threat to you,” he said finally, bringing his eyes up to meet hers.

She took a slow and steady step towards him, “ _To me_ you are always a threat.” He watched with what looked like confusion as she spoke. Does he really think he did no wrong? “In jail, out there, even if you were dead, you’d be a _threat_. Because of what you did to me. You can go to hell.”

“Tru, please—”

“No!” She screamed.

He fixed his jaw in anger and his nostrils flared, something dark washed over him, she saw the change in his eyes, the evil set in. He pulled something from his pocket. She couldn’t tell at first because of the dim light, but then she saw a vile of medicine and a syringe. He was drawing up more drugs to dose her with.

“What are you doing?” Tru asked, backing up but she ran into the wall. “Please don’t do that.”

He came towards her with the needle and she tried to fight him off but she couldn’t, he whipped her around and put her in a headlock before she could even land a punch, he plunged the needle into her next and pushed.

He put his mouth right next to her ear and whispered, “No one tells me _no_.” Words that would haunt her forever.


	15. Chapter 15

****

**Chapter 15**

Tru awoke to the sound of a camera shutter and as soon as she opened her eyes, the bright white light of the flash made her shut them tight again. She held up her hand to cover her eyes. Her arm felt as though it weighed a thousand pounds, and it took all her strength to lift it.

“Sleeping Beauty is finally awake,” Carson said, lowering the camera for a minute. He was sitting on a stool at the side of her bed.

She was able to gather her bearings enough to sit up, when she did her blanket fell off her slightly and she felt a sudden cold draft. She gasped, realizing she was naked and pulled the blanket back up to cover herself.

“What did you do?” She snapped; a bad feeling climbed from her gut.

“Well, I had to get you out of those clothes, they were filthy from the accident.” Carson said as if nothing was wrong with that.

“Did you….” Tru trailed off, looking down at herself.

“Did I what?” Carson asked, he lifted the camera to his face again, “Smile.”

He snapped another picture of her, and the light blinded her once again. “Ah,” she winced.

“You know what.” Tru continued.

“Oh, you mean did I _violate_ you?” Carson said. He lowered the camera and in an almost mocking tone he said, “Don’t you remember?”

She shook her head, tired of these games.

“I guess you will never know then,” Carson said.

She took a deep breath, trying to not let him get to her, trying to remain calm but the façade was fading as her body betrayed itself and allowed her eyes to well up with tears. “Can I have some clothes please?” She asked, “I’m cold.”

“You sure you don’t want me to crawl in there and keep you warm?” He asked, she closed her eyes, pushing the thought of that out of her mind. “Relax, I’m kidding.”

He leaned over and retrieved a box from the floor. It was one of those rectangle clothes boxes people use at Christmas time, he handed it to her. “I hope you like it.”

She eyed him warily as she took the box from him and opened it, carefully tucking the blanket under her arms to not reveal herself again. She pulled out a long purple nightgown, with thin spaghetti straps. The fabric was so soft, not silk, but soft and stretchy. The color was beautiful, it was a color she wore often to compliment her skin tone and hair. It looked like something she would pick out for herself, which sent a chill down her spine. Just how much had he been watching her?

“Do you like it?” Carson asked.

Tru swallowed hard, not wanting him to get angry and drug her again. “It’s very nice.” She replied. “Do you think you could leave so I could get dressed?”

“I want to see it on you.” Carson said, standing to his feet. “But I will turn around.”

He turned his back to her. A tear slid down her cheek as she lowered the blanket and slipped the nightgown on as fast as she could. It fell to her waist and she stood from the bed letting it fall the rest of the way, it landed just between her knees and ankles.

He turned back around, “Wow,” he said. He pushed her hair off her shoulders and ran his hands down her arms. It was all she could do to maintain her composure. “You look beautiful.”

She forced herself to smile.

“Will you take the test for me now?” Carson asked, “ I can’t wait to see if I’m gonna be a father.”

Something inside her snapped, the anger, resentment and hatred boiled to the surface and she pushed him away from her. He stumbled back and tripped over the stool he had been sitting on, hit his head on the footboard of bed, then fell to the floor.

“I don’t care if I am pregnant, you will never be a father.” Tru shouted. “I will kill myself before I let you father _my_ child!”

He slowly climbed to his feet, wiping blood from his mouth he looked at it on his hands. “Look what you did.”

Her chest heaved with ragged shallow breaths, he stepped closer and closer, invading her personal space. He bit his bottom lip again, tasting the blood his eyes narrowed in on her in anger. He was so close now she could see a vein throbbing in his neck. He curled his hand into a fist and with all his strength threw a punch that landed right across her jaw.

She cried out in pain as she fell to the floor, but it was further than her chain would allow, and it pulled tight at her wrist with a loud snap. It began to burn; she was sure she had broken it. Blood began to pool in her mouth, and she spit it out.

He smoothed down his clothes, as if punching her had messed up his outfit. Then he sneered down at her and said, “It’s late, you should get some rest. We’ll spend more time together tomorrow.”

He walked out and locked the doors again.

She pulled herself up from the floor and sat on the bed, tears filled her eyes and flooded down her cheeks. She inspected her wrist: it was beginning to swell. She tried to hold back tears but they began to fall faster and faster until all she could do was cry alone in the dark.

****

It was already getting dark by the time Carisi arrived at the address Rollins had texted him. The first thing he noticed was the police cars; they were leaving. Carisi got out of the car and found Rollins.

“Rollins, what’s goin on?” He asked, confused.

Rollins’ sighed in frustration, “I’m sorry, Carisi, I though we had a lead but it was a false alarm.”

Carisi narrowed his eyes, “What kind of lead?”

“We got a hit off the BOLO, someone saw a girl who matched Tru’s description with a man who matched Goldberg’s description enter this brownstone,” Rollins pointed at the big brick apartment to the left. “But they’re clean…it was just a coincidence I guess.”

“Are you sure?” Carisi asked.

“Yeah, we checked their ID’s, its just a regular married couple…” Rollins trailed off.

Carisi stared after the leaving patrol cars.

“Why don’t you go home, get some rest?” Rollins said, “We’ll keep searching.”

“You’re kidding right?” Carisi scoffed, “I can’t do that.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think that would work.” Rollins replied. “But you gotta do something, go take a beat, clear your head…maybe get something to eat. We’ll let you know if anything else pops up.”

He sighed, hanging his head, “I guess you’re right.” Carisi said, “Call me if anything changes.”

Carisi turned to walk away, he had no intention of going home and getting some rest, he just needed an excuse to get away from Rollins so he could keep looking for Tru.

*****

The shackle around Tru’s wrist was getting tighter and tighter, letting her know her wrist was swelling. She tried to flex it, and pain shot through it like she had been stabbed with a knife. She groaned, trying to think of a way to get the handcuff off. She yanked her arm real hard trying to pull the shackle off the wall, a loud clank rang throughout the room but it didn’t budge from the wall. She tried again, and again, each time pain shot through her wrist and forearm. She let out a scream as she tried one last time. She collapsed back against the headboard, tears streaming down her face as she felt utterly helpless.

She had lost track of how long she had been there. She was hoping it hadn’t been more than a day, but the lack of light and contact with the outside world made it impossible to keep track of time. All she could think about was making it out this prison, running into Sonny’s arms and planting a big kiss on those soft, and pouty lips of his. She wished she hadn’t been so reluctant to accept her feelings for him. He was obviously an amazing guy, and she deserved an amazing guy for once. It was just bad luck that he met her after such a disaster, or maybe it was perfect timing, who knows? Maybe he is the only one who could save her from this hell. She groaned, thinking how awful that sounded. She wished she was one of those women that could save herself.

Just then she heard Carson on the other side of the door, he was unlocking it, getting ready to come in, she braced herself for whatever was to come next.

“How’s my girl doing?” He asked, as he carried in a bottle of water and what looked to be a pill bottle. The last thing shere wanted was more drugs.

She fixed her gaze on the wall and refused to look at him.

“I thought you might like to take some medicine for that wrist.” He set the bottle of water and the bottle of medicine down on the bed in front of her, he also sat down on the bed in front of her. “Let me see.”

Tru didn’t say anything in return, and still refused to let her gaze meet his.

“Would you quit being so damn stubborn?” Carson said, grabbing her arm and pulling it close so he could see. The pain shot through her arm again, but she didn’t let herself wince. She refused to let him win. “I’m sorry I hurt you. It wont happen again.”

She scoffed in return.

“I know you’ve heard that before.” He continued, he pulled a key from his pocket and unlocked her handcuff, removing it from one wrist and locking in on the other, he replaced the key in pocket. “Back in high school I wanted to kill Connor for the way he treated you.”

He poured a couple Ibuprofen from the bottle and offered it to her. She didn’t want to take it but her wrist was really hurting and she needed some relief, so she took them and the water he offered. Next he pulled an ace bandage from his pocket and began to wrap it around her injury.

“He never should have done those things to you.” Carson said.

“You realize you’re worse than he ever was, right?” Tru asked, her tone flat and unapologetic. “You raped me.”

Carson took a deep breath, trying to keep his calm. “There’s that word again, I _love_ you.” He corrected her.

“How is that love to you?” She asked, shaking her head. “You hurt me again and again.”

Carson finished wrapped the bandage around her injured wrist and fastened it into place with strips of medical tape. “I know why you don’t want to take that test.”

She scoffed again, “Again with the test? Are you kidding me?”

“It’s because the baby might be that detective’s, right?” Carson asked.

Tru’s eyes widened in surprise, “What?” She exclaimed. “You think I could have sex after what you did to me?”

“Why can’t you see that all I did was love you?” Carson asked, the amount of sincerity in his voice was getting creepy.

“That’s not love!” Tru yelled.

Carson put his hand on her legs and before she knew it he had pulled her down hard, she landed on her back on the bed and he was on top of her in seconds, his weight crushing the breath from her diaphragm. “It is love, and I can show you.”

He planted his lips onto hers again and kissed her deeply, forcing his tongue into her mouth and running his hand up her body. She struggled beneath him, trying to push him off her. She couldn’t let this happen again.

*****

Carisi paced across the living room floor of Tru’s apartment, his mind a frantic mess of worry and fearful thoughts. He wasn’t sure what had led him back to her place. Maybe he just wanted to surround himself with her. Around him, were memories of Tru. Images of her beautiful face flashed through his mind’s eye like lightning; seeing her in the hospital the first time they'd met, the fearful look when he took her back to her apartment after the rape. In the kitchen he could almost hear her laugh as he remembered trying to teach her how to make her own pasta sauce. In the living room he remembered showing her how to defend herself, and he remembered how hard it was to not show her how much it hurt when she landed her first solid punch into the middle of his gut.

He'd watched her heal and grow stronger, determined to learn to protect herself and find the man who'd attacked her. And as he'd watched faithfully over her, his feelings for her had grown, whether he'd wanted them to or not. He'd begun to care for her so deeply it scared him, and now more than anything all he wanted was to protect her. And she'd been ripped from his grasp with no warning. The car accident leaving him powerless to intervene. She'd been dragged off to God knows where with that monster, and the thought of what he could be doing to her was driving Carisi insane, it was all too much to bare and before he knew it he found himself hurtling a vase across the room, it hit against the wall, knocking things off the shelf and everything crashed to the floor in a mess of shattered glass and ceramic shards.

“Damn it,” he said. He grabbed the broom from the corner closet and walked over to clean up the mess he had made. He swept up the shard onto the dustpan when something caught his eye. He sat the dustpan down on the counter and took a closer look, picking up the small black camera.

It infuriated him to think of Tru being watched in her own home. That bastard was so obsessed with her he couldn’t miss a minute of her life. And then something dawned on him and he reached for his phone, dialing the number to the Technical Assistance Response Unit, or TARU as they often referred to them. They were the people who help with the techy side of things.

“Hey, it’s Carisi,” he said. “Have you guys found anything else on Goldberg’s computer.”

“There’s a lot of files to go through, what did you have in mind?” The technician said on the other line.

“I want to know if he was receiving footage from another location besides Tru Jordan’s apartment.”

If Goldberg really couldn’t stand to miss a minute of Tru, maybe he was recording holding her hostage as well. The tech forgot to acknowledge his question but he could hear the clicking of keys on the computer, so he knew he was doing his thing and trying to find out the answer.

“Whoa,” The tech said on the other end of the line.

“What?” Carisi asked, “What is it?”

“We tapped into some footage, it looks like Goldberg and Jordan…” The tech trailed off, “I’m gonna see if I can trace the signal.”

Carisi tried not to imagine the worst but it was hard, and he swore he could hear Tru scream on the other end of the line but maybe it was just his imagination.

“Okay, we’ve got the location, I’m texting it to you,” the tech said, “And Carisi?”

“Yeah?”

“You need to hurry.”

He didn’t like the sound of that. He wondered what the TARU tech had seen on that video and what Goldberg was doing to Tru. His phone dinged with the address and Carisi immediately left to go find her.

***Author's note*****

Hey guys, sorry it's been so long since an update. I didn't get to edit this as much as I would have liked because I wanted to go ahead and upload it for you, so I hope you like it. Please leave comments and let me know what you think. Much love.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

He planted his lips onto hers again and kissed her deeply, forcing his tongue into her mouth and running his hand up her body. She struggled beneath him, trying to push him off her. She couldn’t let this happen again.

She had to think fast, she remembered the key in his pocket and while he was distracted with her she slipped her injured, swollen hand into his pocket and pulled the key out. Silently praying that he wouldn’t feel her. She pushed the key under her leg and then used her hand to push him back.

“Wait, wait, wait,” She said softly. “I’ll do it.”

He pulled back, looking down at her. She couldn’t stand the sight of him on top of her or stand the feel of his body on top of hers. She felt like she could crawl out of her skin. “You’ll do it?” He asked.

“I’ll take the test.” She replied.

He sat up, “You will?”

“Yes, just go get it before I change my mind.” Tru responded.

Carson sprung to his, obviously fooled. “I knew you’d come around.” He said, he bent down and kissed her forehead before leaving the room.

As soon as she heard the door shut, she sat up, fumbling with the key trying to fit it in the lock with her puffy fingers. She heard a click and the lock released, the cuff fell open and she heaved a sigh of relief. She climbed from the bed; her feet unsteady on the floor from barely walking for however long he had had her in this prison.

She quickly moved across the floor to the door and pulled it open, relieved to find it unlocked. He must have forgotten it in his excitement. She slowly exited the room, unsure of where she was at first, and then she realized she was in a basement.

She looked around for an exit from the basement itself but of course she had no such luck. She would have to go upstairs and find a way out, or should she just hide and lock him in his own prison room? There was no guarantee that the key she had would lock that door and she didn’t see anything heavy she could put in front of it. She couldn’t risk failing. She took a deep breath and began to climb the stairs. Slowly, quietly, one by one, trying so hard to not make any noise.

****

Carisi sped through traffic with his lights and sirens on. His heart thudded in his chest, it was racing faster than his car was. He was so scared for Tru and what she might be going through. He wanted her safe and in his arms. When the voice on his GPS told him to he made the turn onto the final street. He had already called the rest of his squad, they were already on their way, along with an ambulance, just in case and god only knows what else. But he couldn’t wait for their protocol, he had to save her now.

He pulled the car onto the side of the road and slammed it into park. He was out of it without even killing the engine. He looked up at the big white house in front of him. This is it, he thought. He pulled his gun from his holster and held it up in front of him. He walked toward the house, ready for anything.

******

Once she was at the top of the stairs, she opened the door and slowly walked out, unsure of where Carson was or what was taking him so long to get that test. Something was wrong. She looked around the kitchen that led to the basement, there was a small hallway with a door at the end. All she had to do was make it to the door and she was free.

“I knew it,” his voice boomed from behind her.

She whirled around, her hair flying in front of her face and she came face to face with Carson.

“I knew you hadn’t miraculously had a change of heart.” Carson said, coming toward her.

“I’m not letting you put me back in that room.” She said.

He lunged for her and she quickly moved out of the way avoiding his grasp by inches. She was leaning against the kitchen counter, she turned to find a weapon, anything she could use to protect herself. She turned her back to him and opened the drawer in front of her, spotting a knife she grabbed it. She was suddenly pushed forward as he through his body into hers, grabbing handful of her hair she was jerked back. Her mind flashed back to the night of her first attack, when all this had started. The way he through her around her own kitchen like she was a ragdoll. No regard for hurting her, she couldn’t let that happen again. He held her by her hair and was pulling her back toward the basement door, she tried to stab his leg with the knife but she barely nicked him, he hit her hand hard, causing her to drop it, it fell to the floor with a clatter.

She tried to remember the self-defense moves Sonny had taught her. With all her strength she brought her foot up and slammed it back down on his foot. He didn’t budge, she reared her elbow back, slamming it into his gut as hard as she could. He let out a groan and stumbled back a couple feet, letting her go, she anything she could find and threw it at him. A vase, a plate, a picture. She grabbed another plate off the counter and hit him with the edge of it right across the nose. It poured blood and he fell back, tripping over a chair he fell to the ground. She tackled him, using all the strength she had left to punch him. Rage boiling over, consuming her as she remembered all that he had put her through. Raping her twice in her own home, making her live in fear, taunting her with dead birds and flowers, and the _pictures_. The pictures alone made her skin crawl with disgust, knowing he could look at them any time he wanted, _do_ whatever he wanted with them. It made her want to gauge out his eyes so he could never see anything again.

*****

As soon as Carisi entered the house he could hear a struggle coming from the other room. He quickly moved through the house, checking to make sure it was clear. He approached the kitchen and saw Carson on the ground, blood dripped from his nose and mouth onto the floor. Tru was on top of him, hitting him.

Tru landed punch after punch against Carson’s face, she was on top of him, wailing, letting out all the hurt and pain he had caused her for the last few month. She grabbed a knife that had fallen into the floor, “I could never love you!” She screamed as she reared it back, ready to drive it full force into his chest when Carisi came around the corner, gun drawn.

“Tru, drop the knife.” He said, she turned to look at him, “I can’t let you kill him.”

“He deserves it,” Tru snapped, her voice breaking from the turmoil she was feeling. She held the knife in the air as Carson lay beneath her on the ground.

His eyes drifted to her hands, holding the knife in the air. The blue and purple bruises that encircled her wrists where she had been bound, his gaze traveled to her face. Her beautiful face also reared the ugly signs of captivity, the circles under her eyes hid only by the myriad of colors forming her black eye. Her lip was puffy and busted. Something inside him told him this guy deserved whatever he got, he wanted to turn on his heel and walk the other way, let her do what she thought was right, or better yet do it himself. But that wasn’t who he was. 

“I know he does,” Carisi said gently as he walked closer. “But if you do this, you’re no better than him.”

She looked up at Carisi, tears and anger filling her eyes, she wasn’t sure what to do. She wanted to punish him like he had punished her. “And you _are_ better than him, Tru, so, _so_ much better! You’re a kind, gentle, good person. You’re not a killer, Tru.” Carisi said, he was almost to her now, “Drop the knife.”

She let out a gut-wrenching scream of frustration and exasperation. The knife clattered to the ground and she fell back off him. Her breath uneven as she gasped for air. Carisi sighed in relief as he ran to her, swooping down.

“Are you okay?” He asked, wrapping his arms tightly around her, “I got you.”

Carson turned to his side and spit a mouth full of blood onto the floor.

“It makes you so mad, doesn’t it?” Carson said, he coughed and spit out more blood. “You’ll never be able to protect her from me.”

Carisi looked down at Carson in disgust, in his arms Tru was trembling.

“She’ll always be mine.” Carson said.

Tears fell from Tru’s eyes as she climbed to her feet, steadying herself against the wall, she let out a sob. Carisi had had it with this guy.

“She’s not yours, you sick son of a bitch. She doesn’t belong to you, _or me_ she belongs to herself.” Carisi exclaimed, jerking Carson to his feet, “And you’re under arrest,” he pulled both of Carson’s arms behind his back and snapped his handcuffs on him, “you have right to remain silent, anything you say—”

“I know my rights,” Carson cut him off. 

“Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law,” Carisi continued, not taking any chances of this guy getting off on an un mirandized technicality. Fin and Olivia came through the door, a look of confusion on their face, Carisi passed Goldberg off to them and went back to get Tru.

He slid off his NYPD jacket and draped it over her shoulders, she pulled it around herself, her legs still weak. She leaned into his as he put his arms around her. “You’re okay,” he whispered, “I got you.”

“No, I’m not,” she whispered back. Her voice trembled as much as her body did. “I need another rape kit.”

Carisi’s heart sank as her words sunk in and he was filled with anger, rage, and disgust once again. He bit his bottom lip as he looked back at Carson being hauled out of the house. “I should have let you stab him.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carisi does everything he can to make sure Tru doesn't have to testify in court.

Chapter 17

Tru stared blankly at the wall in her hospital room. She couldn’t even feel the stitches that were being placed into her head. Some of that could be chalked up to the numbing but she just felt numb everywhere. She couldn’t remember the exact blow that led to the gash above her eye, it was all a blur. Chattering nurses and patient, a baby cry all filled her ear drums making the quiet so loud she wished she could shut everything out. Every few moments a machine would beep, it was the loudest silence she had ever been in, but she found it comforting. There was a gentle knock at the door and it creaked open, Carisi peered in slightly.

“Hey Tru, feel like company?” He asked from the doorway.  
Tru nodded and he entered the room, shoving his hands deep in his pockets. 

“How you holding up?” He asked timidly. 

“If I never see another black light it will be too soon.” Tru said, referring to the third rape kit she had just endured.   
Carisi shook his head, “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” He said, “I’m sorry I couldn’t….” His words trailed off.

“Sorry you couldn’t what?” Tru asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

Carisi took a seat in the chair next to her hospital bed and bowed his head. “I’m sorry I didn’t protect you.” 

Tru sat up straighter, “Are you kidding me?” She exclaimed, “You’re the reason I’m still alive. You saved me.”

“Tru you saved yourself,” Carisi said, he reached over and took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

His touch brought her peace and tears began to fall from her eyes. “Hey, it’s okay,” Sonny said softly as he came closer, sitting on the bed next to her he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into him. “You’re safe now, and he will never hurt you again.”  
She leaned into him, letting herself enjoy the comfort he provided. A knock at the door interrupted the moment.

“I have your test results,” The doctor said, “Detective, would you give us a minute?” 

Carisi started to get up but Tru tightened her grip on his hand, “It’s okay, whatever it is you can say in front of him.” 

The doctor cleared his throat, “Well your tox screen showed high levels of Rohypnol.”

“That’s what was in the syringe he used on me.” 

“Yes, however there were no signs of sexual assault on your rape kit.”

“Wait, what?” Tru exclaimed. A wave of relief and confusion washed over her. “I woke up naked…he said…”

“He was just trying to mess with your head,” Carisi said. 

“That’s the best news I’ve heard in a while,” Tru said. 

“Well there’s more,” The doctor said. “I see here you requested a pregnancy test.”

“Yes,” Tru said slowly, wishing she had a few more minutes to appreciate the not-being-raped-for-a-third-time part of this conversation. “My cycle is late, and it’s never late.”

“Well it was negative.” The doctor said. “You’re not pregnant.”

Tru’s hand flew to her heart and she let out an instinctive, “Oh, thank God!”

“With everything that’s going on your cycle is probably off due to stress…if things don’t straighten out soon you should follow up with your gynecologist.” He continued but Tru barely heard any of it.

“Thank you, doctor.” Carisi said, realizing Tru wasn’t going to say anything else. 

“We’d like to keep you overnight for observation, and to monitor your injuries.” The doctor said.

Tru nodded.

Carisi squeezed Tru’s hand again, and tears began to fall again. “Are you okay?”

“Is it bad that I’m relieved?” She asked, “I can’t bear the thought of having his child…does that make me a terrible person?”

“No, absolutely not.” Carisi assured. “You’re allowed to feel however you feel right now. You’ve been through a lot.”

“It’s finally over,” Tru heaved a big sigh of relief. 

Carisi forced a tight lipped smiled. He was glad they had caught the bad guy; he was glad Tru had a reprieve from the torment that she had been through the past few months. But deep down he knew it wasn’t over. Carson was back at the precinct being interrogated by Rollins and Fin. Even though he was arrested he would still get a fair trial, which meant Tru would have to take the stand. She would have to relive all the horrible things he had done. Carisi wrapped his arms around her again, trying to push those negative thoughts from his head. Sometimes he really hated always thinking like a lawyer. Tru relaxed into his embrace, resting her head against his chest. All he could do now was enjoy this quiet moment with her, because he had a feeling there was still a lot of noise to come. 

*****  
Carisi waited until Tru was fast asleep before he slipped out of the room. He had a mission, something on his mind he was determined to take care of as soon as possible.   
He walked into the District Attorney’s office and walked the familiar path to ADA Stone’s office. The door was cracked, Carisi knocked before stepping in.   
Stone looked up from some paperwork on his desk, “Carisi,” He said, “To what do I owe this pleasure?”  
Carisi took a seat in front of his friend’s desk. “I need to talk to you about Carson Goldberg.”

“Uh huh,” Stone leaned back in his chair, and twisted to pen in his hands from open to shut, back to open. “Yeah, I heard you guys caught your stalker slash rapist.”  
Carisi nodded, “I need you to cut him a deal.”

Stone’s eyes widened, “You what?” 

Carisi sighed and leaned back in his chair. “You heard me.”

“Why would I do that?” Stone asked, “He was caught red handed holding her captive, we have hundreds of hours of video surveillance evidence that shows he was stalking Miss Jordan, even without a confession a jury will hang him.” 

“It’s Tru,” Carisi said. “She’s been through so much with all this already, she can’t handle a trial.”

Stone eyed his suspiciously, “So the rumors are true? You fell for your victim?”

Carisi sighed and shook his head, “I’m just trying to protect her.” Carisi said, “So far I’ve failed.”

“I understand wanting to shield her from a cross examination,” Stone let out an exasperated sigh, rubbing his temples to ease the tension, “But I can’t go forward with a plea bargain without the victim’s consent…Have you talked to her about this?” Stone asked. Carisi bit his lip nervously and shook his head ‘no’. “Don’t you think you should?”

Carisi fell silent, not knowing what to say as he mulled over Stone’s words. 

“Look man, I know you’re trying to help, but this monster has already stripped her of her dignity, her power, her…everything.” Stone said, “Do you really want to take this choice away from her to?”

Carisi sighed again, why did Stone have to make so much sense? It would be so much easier if they could just skip this whole next stage. “You’re right,” he said finally as he stood to his feet and started toward the door.

“Hey,” Stone called after him, Carisi turned around to see what he wanted. “Talk to her, if she doesn’t want to go through with a trial we will come up with a deal, okay?”

The night air hit his face and he took a deep breath, breathing in what little fresh air was left after the smog of the city. Checking his watch, he realized Tru would probably sleep through the night after having been sedated earlier. He would go back to the hospital and spend the night there just in case she had any night terrors…just in case she needed him. But first he had another stop to make.

It didn’t take him long to get to the police station from the D.A.’s office. His colleagues looked surprised to see him when he walked in. 

“Hey, I thought you’d be at the hospital.” Rollins said, there was a hint of something in her voice but Carisi couldn’t quite tell what the tone was. Jealousy maybe? He wasn’t sure, and he didn’t have time to worry about it. 

“Yeah, I’m going back in a little bit,” Carisi informed. 

“How is Tru holding up?” Fin asked. 

Carisi considered the answer, “She’s doing better than I expected, but you know…she’s been through a lot.” Carisi cleared his throat before moving on to why he decided to come. “Is lieutenant here?”

“No, she already went home for the night.” Rollins said.

Fin cocked his head, “Why do you ask?”

Carisi stepped in closer and lowered his voice. “I need a moment alone with Goldberg.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Rollins said. 

“I’m with Rollins,” Fin said, “No way.”

Carisi was getting aggravated. “Did he confess?” 

“He denies what he cant admit and admits what he can’t deny.” Fin said. 

“Classic,” Carisi said. “Look come on, I wont compromise anything. I just wanna talk to him for a minute.” 

Rollins and Fin exchanged glances, and Carisi saw that they were about to cave.

“What if it was someone you cared about?”

Rollins sighed and looked down at her desk. She picked up her key card and handed it to him. “He’s in holding.” She said, “Don’t use your own key card, though.”

“Thank you,” Carisi said. 

Carisi took a deep breath and walked towards the holding cells. As they came into view he could see Goldberg laying on his back on one of the cots, staring up at the ceiling, his arms tucked behind his head. Carisi came closer, glaring at the monster before him. 

“I knew you’d come.” Goldberg said, still lying flat on his back, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. There was something cocky about his composure. 

“Oh yeah?” Carisi said, he swiped Rollins’ keycard and the doors opened to let him walk in. 

Goldberg chuckled, “You’re so predictable.” 

“Is that so?” Carisi stuffed his hands in his pockets. 

Goldberg sat up swung his legs off the edge on the bed. He fixed his eyes on the detective.

“You’re here to threaten me into confessing, you still think I’m this big bad wolf but really you should be thanking me.” Goldberg said.

“You want me to thank you for raping a woman?” 

“We’re not that different, you and I.” Goldberg said.

“Oh yes we are,” Carisi snapped, “I would never do the things you’ve done.”

Goldberg stood up and stepped in closer, coming face to face with him. “I’m sure by now you know about the cameras. I watched the two of you.” He said, “More importantly; I watched you watch her. You watched her sleep. You smelled her hair and you thought she didn’t notice—she did by the way. You tried so hard not to peek at her while she was changing. You watched her just as much as I did, admired her from a far. You wanted her just as much—if not more than I did.” 

Carisi’s jaw clenched in anger. 

“If I hadn’t done those things, you never would have been there to pick up the pieces.”

“The point is you left her in pieces.” Carisi said. “You need to confess. You need to ask for a deal and save Tru the pain of a trial.”

“Why would I do that.”

“Look, Mr. Goldberg, in your own way I know you were in love with her.” Carisi forced himself to align with the suspect. Interrogating 101. “You made a mistake; you have a chance to make it right.”

“Who says it was a mistake?” Goldberg narrowed his eyes on him, “I very much enjoyed our time together.”

Carisi looked at him in disbelief, his jaw clenched so hard he thought his teeth would break.

“You wouldn’t know about that would you?” Goldberg lowered his voice, “You don’t know what it’s like to feel her beneath you. To feel how soft her bare skin is, or her breath on your cheek.”

Carson Goldberg was clearly trying to rattle him, and it was working. “Okay, that’s enough.” Carisi’s voice was barely above a harsh whisper.

“Is it?” Goldberg said. “I haven’t even gotten to the good part yet. You were such a gentleman, you didn’t peak. But I can fill you in on the curves of her body, the sounds she makes when she makes during sex.”

Carisi couldn’t take it anymore and he grabbed Carson by the collar of his shirt, spinning on his heal, he threw him against the wall. “You worthless piece of crap,” Carisi started, 

“You have no right to stand before me and gloat about what you did to her. You don’t realize that you destroyed a life. You made her question every move she made, caused her to live in fear. I ought to kick your teeth in.”

“Carisi!” Fin said, rushing into the jail cell. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” 

Carisi let Carson go with one final shove. Carson was grinning, he got what he had wanted. 

Carisi stormed out the cell, Fin followed behind him.

“Carisi, don’t beat yourself up. He was trying to push your buttons.” Fin said.

“Well, it worked.” Carisi said, his hand was shaking as he retrieved his phone from his pocket and laid it down on the desk. He pushed a button, and their conversation began to play. “We both got what we wanted.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to leave comments or message me with any feedback. More to be available soon.


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